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My Double Life as an Informative Extemporaneous Speaker (Try Saying That 5 Times Fast)

My Double Life as an Informative Extemporaneous Speaker (Try Saying That 5 Times Fast)

So guys, big-ish news! I advanced to regionals in my forensics event, Informative Extemporaneous Speaking. I'm the only person in my school's history to ever make it past District, and I'm only a freshman! Okay, boasting time over. Here's the deal: my school's paper is doing a feature on me, and I had to go through a really awkward interview. I totally couldn't tell these people what I really do in my spare time, so I had to make up suitable answers in order to avoid total humiliation. Here's how it went:

Question: What's your event?

Answer: Informative Extemp(oraneus Speaking)

Q: What is your pre-competition ritual?

What I said: I get together with my team for a pep talk and tell myself, "You WILL advance to the next round!"

The real answer: I get together with my team for "a ritual" that includes the following: a round of slapping each other in the face, inhaling frappuccinos and baked goods, checking each other's' teeth, and doing a weird handshake akin in which we pretend to be snipers.

Q: What is your favorite thing about the competitions?

Said: I meet new people and get a lot of experience, and bragging rights are cool too.

Real answer: I get to run around big college campuses pretending to be 4 years older than I actually am and making college friends who my parents wouldn't approve of.

Q: What do you do in your spare time, aside from studying and practicing?

Said: I read a lot and watch "The Mentalist" like an addict.

Real Answer: I close my bedroom door, turn off the lights, put my earphones in to a song whose words are screamed so expertly you can't understand the words, and dance like a total rock star.

Q: What is your favorite writing utensil?

Said: Pencil: it makes my handwriting look a lot better and I mess up a lot, so the eraser is handy.

Real answer: The wand I attempted to carve out of a fallen branch that really looks like an deformed, anorexic skewer.

Q: What food do you prefer before the competition?

Said: I eat cheese and crackers and drink milk.

Real answer: I chug Starbucks religiously and inhale an assortment of brownies, cookies, and scones.

Post by Hello!Ponder

Are you leading a double life? What would your answers be to these questions?

Related post: Why You Should Join Forensics

Topics: School, Life
Tags: hobbies, extracurriculars, public speaking, forensics, funny things, interviews, extemporaneous speaking

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