As we’re sure you are all aware, the world is about to end. According to the Mayans, we’re all done for in December of this year. This is kind of a bummer, because there’s a new Mortal Kombat movie coming out in 2013. But if we’ve learned anything, it’s always trust a Mayan prediction. Those guys see everything coming. Except conquistadors, they missed that one.
Clearly, there’s only one way to prepare for the impending end of days: watch as many post-apocalyptic movies as you can. Here are some of the best!
The Road. Based on the novel by Cormac McCarthy, The Road is exactly what a post-apocalyptic movie should be: dark, scary, and heavy on the cannibalism. Viggo Mortensen leads his son through a world ravaged by some unspecified event. This movie isn’t exactly uplifting, but then again, the world is ending in December.
Waterworld. Kevin Costner’s aquatic adventure was one of the biggest financial flops in film history. That's stupid, because it is awesome. Pirates led by Dennis Hopper, jet skis, people with gills, sea monsters, Jeanne Tripplehorn’s butt, what else does a movie need? Oh yeah, pee drinking. There’s pee drinking.
Escape from New York. In a crime-ridden United States, the President’s plane crashes into the island of Manhattan, which obviously has been turned into a future-prison complex. Only one man can save him, and that man’s name is Snake Pliskin. Wait, why didn’t they make the future prison somewhere other than the greatest city on earth? And why are they sending only one guy to save the president? Stop asking questions. Kurt Russell rules. Just watch the movie. Fun fact: John Carpenter wrote the movie as a reaction to Richard Nixon’s Watergate scandal. Fun fact number two: no one knows what the hell this movie has to do with Watergate.
The Matrix. Bad news: we’re living in a simulated reality created by sentient machines who are harvesting our energy. Worse news: our only hope is Ted from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Things aren’t looking up. According to scholars, the film is packed with biblical references and symbolism. We must have missed the part in Sunday school about fighting sentient computer programs in slow motion.
Delicatessen. Save this one for when you want to get weird. It centers on a dilapidated French apartment building where the landlord lures victims to sell them for meat, which is in extremely short supply. We’re still not entirely sure if this is a post-apocalyptic movie, or if France is just really, really strange.
Mad Max. Despite Mel Gibson being a cuckoo clock lunatic, the Mad Max series are the best post-apocalyptic movies of all time. Start with the second installment, The Road Warrior. When the world ends in December, if we don’t see some feral children using boomerangs as weapons and a bondage-themed biker gang, we will be sorely disappointed. Move on to the third flick, Beyond Thunderdome. All you need to know about this one is that it features Tina Turner, a midget riding a giant, and some sweet jazz saxophone. Then go back to the first one, Mad Max, and learn what made Max so mad. Finally, check out the fourth in the series, What Women Want.
Let us know in the comments what some of your favorite post-apocalyptic movies are. We’ve got to prepare, there’s less than nine months left! Note: Zombie movies were not included, but let’s be honest, we all know this thing is going to end with some brain-eating.