Marie Antoinette's Voicemail Greeting-and More!
So what if voicemail technology didn't exist the 70s? That shouldn't stop historical figures from having a voicemail greeting!
Marie Antoinette: “Hi, I’m like, not here because I’m feeding cake to, like, poor people. So, like, leave a message! Au revoir!”
Albert Einstein: “Albert Einstein, what’s your relativity?”
Genghis Khan: “Thank you for calling Khan Headquarters. To leave a vulgar message complaining that we burned your village, press one. To express anger or grief over the violent beheading of a loved one, sibling, parent, child, relative, or friend, press two. To beg that we spare the life of your loved one, sibling, parent, child, relative, or friend, press three. To suggest a village you’d like us to pillage, at a small fee, press four. Thank you, and have a nice day.”
Marco Polo: “Hi, this is Marco…please stop filling in my last name when I talk! I HATE it when I’m saying 'My name is Marco—' and everyone just shouts 'POLO!' It’s the most annoying thing EVER. When I was in school, my teachers would call on me and the whole class would yell 'POLO!' It was emotionally traumatizing and I had to get a shrink to deal with the issues. So I’d appreciate it if you don’t bring it up. So, um, leave a message.”
Thomas Jefferson: “I promise I will listen to the entirety of your message, because all men are created equal and therefore all manmade messages are created equal as well and deserve equal recognition. If you're a woman, you're out of luck. Sorry.”
Calvin Coolidge: “Not here. Leave message. Thanks.”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:
“I can’t come to the phone
So leave a message at the tone.
Sorry I’m unavailable to talk
I’m most likely out for a walk.
Don’t be a hater.
I’ll call you back later."
Galileo: “The Earth revolves around the sun. Quit calling and trying to convince me otherwise.”
Plato: “Thank you for calling me, but are you sure you really called me? In an ideal world, there would be no confusion over who called whom, due to the reign of the philosopher-kings. Imagine a Phone with a capital P, the ultimate, ideal phone, that would allow our kind to experience fully the wonders of technology. Do not constrain your mind within the limitations of reality, but allow yourself to think freely. Such as the ultimate Message with a capital M, which you should now leave for me.”
Abraham Lincoln: “Four score and seven minutes ago, I went a shopping trip to Hot Topic, which is why I can’t come to the phone.”
Julius Caesar: “Epic Ides of March party tonight with the Senator bros! Call ya back after, dude!”
Any greetings you'd like to add?
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