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Flyergirl Takes on the Google E's

Flyergirl Takes on the Google E's

Flyergirl's popular column returns to attack the big E!—Sparkitors

So, E. What a wonderful letter—NOT. It's so greedy. It wasn't enough for E to just be any old letter out of 26, no; it had to go ahead and claim a zillion words, because of course, greedy little E couldn't possibly be second most-common letter. No, E HAD to be number one.

Did I mention that E took my cookies the other day?  I may be slightly bitter.  They were really good cookies.

Moving on...here's my guides to conquering the most frequently asked Google E questions!

How to Edit a PDF: I believe that you can't edit a PDF without first knowing what it is.  I myself am not sure what a PDF is, but here are my guesses:

People Don't Fart
Penguins Dine Free
Purple Donut Face (that's a good insult)
Purses Drink Fanta
Pretty Damn Funny (that's what I am)
Parrots Don't Forget (as opposed to elephants)
Pandas Do Forget
Prairie Dogs Forget
Persian Wildebeasts Might Forget, But We're Not Really Sure Because No One Wants To Get Close Enough To Find Out (Sorry, I gues PWMFBWNRSBNOWTGCETFO is longer than PDF. My bad.)
Painful Dog Fears
Pumpkin Death Fight

Well, as to how to edit any of those, I'd suggest moving the cursor over the words, then deleting and retyping. Good luck!

How to Eat Healthy: What's your problem, dude?  Did it ever occur to you that maybe Healthy doesn't WANT to be eaten?  Get off my lawn, you little cannibal.

If you want to eat healthily, though, that's a different story. Or maybe engage in healthful eating.  Now repeat after me, pupils: "Adjectives describe nouns. Grammar is good."

How to Eat a Pomegranate

1. Buy a pomegranate.
2. Coat the entire fruit in butter.  Preferably "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
3. No, I'm not being paid by "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" (the best not-butter out there) to say this.
4. Microwave the entire thing (Aaong with a tub of my favorite kind of delectable buttery spread, "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter")
5. When it's nice and heated, throw it at your sister to freak her out, but purposely miss and hit the wall behind her.  It'll make a lovely splat, like the sound of dropping a tub of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" (which is definitely not butter, but is definitely delicious) on the floor.
6. Collect pieces of the splatted pomegranate and butter them up with...you guessed it!
7. Did you know that "splatted" is actually a word?  But "splorg" is not.  And "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" is not really butter.
8. Eat it!  You know, with your mouth.  Or something.  I can't believe you needed me to tell you that.  You know what else I can't believe?  It's not butter!

How to Extreme Coupon: You know, I'm not really comfortable discussing this subject. Why are you going around invading my personal life like that?!  You know coupons bring back painful childhood memories!  It's really kind of rude of you to ask a question like that.  I mean, would you ask your grandmother a question like that?  Yeah, I didn't think so!  First you want to eat my BFF Healthy, and now this. I can't handle it!

We think Flyergirl is getting progressively more hilarious...and possible progressively more crazy. BUT WE DIG IT.

Related post: Flyergirl Tells You How!

Topics: The Internets
Tags: guides, google, funny things, how to, flyergirl tells you how, google how tos

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