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Need to Get Out of Doing Your Chores? Try These Excuses!

Need to Get Out of Doing Your Chores? Try These Excuses!

By Sissy

Doing chores totally sucks, but unless you happen to be an heiress, odds are your parents are going to rely on you to pitch in with the housework and "earn your keep." Have better things to do than scrub counters? No kidding, we all do. That's why we're giving you 20 excuses to feed to your parents when they get on your butt to do stuff.

Warning: The author of this post is not responsible for the response these excuses evoke out of your 'rents. Beware.

1. “Ever since appearing on TLC’s “My Strange Addictions: I Eat Paper Towels”, my therapist continues to remind me to stay away from all household paper products. She thinks Brawny could be a gateway towel if I’m not careful.”

2. “I have an 11:00 AM with a respected foreign dignitary."

3. "I'm digesting my bagel. You know what they say, wait fifteen minutes before cleaning or you may sink to the bottom of the house."

4. “If by doing laundry, you mean stuff my pile of clothes under my bed, I’m already on it.”

5. “But the house smells good. Yeah, it does--it’s kind of like a mix between tacos and mints .Really, I dig it! No Febreze!”

6. "Studies show that having germs festering on counters is actually beneficial to some families. It's true, I saw it on Dateline!”

7. “It’s not looking good. I just found a lump in this sink. I think I need to regroup and determine the best type of therapy to treat it. It may take me some time to mull this over.”

8. “But you’re the one who cooks all the dinners…”

9. “I need that request from you in writing so I can run it by my supervisor. Shoot me an email.”

10. “I need to make something. In the bathroom. Like, Right Now.”

11. Don’t we have a maid or something?”

12. “This is the 21st century, and just because I’m a girl, doesn’t mean I need to do your housework, Dad. What are you, some kind of sexist? I bet if I was your son, the only thing you’d ask me to do is to go fishing, am I right?”

13. “But cleaning isn’t on the ACTs, right? Because I thought that’s what you guys told me you wanted me to focus on during the weekends?”

14. “I’ve worked really hard at getting my bedroom to the mess it is today, and I’m proud of what I’ve achieved.”

15. “Just a sec. I’m playing with my wiener.”

16. “If honesty is really the best policy, does it get me out of this to tell you I hate chores because I’m lazy?”

17. “I was planning to take grandma to Arby's, but if you’d rather I stay home and organize the kitchen drawers, I’d be happy to help you instead of taking the chance to visit the women who gave you life. No big deal.”

18. “Sorry, I just On-Demanded one of those indie movies that cost 10 bucks and I don’t want to let this go to waste. You know how dad gets about squandered monies.”

19. "Yo no hablo Inglés, señor. Me gustaria comer hamburguesas y ver la televisión todo el día y scratchar mi poto".

20. "Let's go to Costco and eat a lunch of samples instead?"

What's your fail-proof excuse to get out of chores?

Related post: How to Weasel Out of Doing Chores

Topics: Life
Tags: parents, family, excuses, funny things, cleaning, chores, getting out of chores

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About the Author
Sissy

Sissy is a woman/girl who lives, works and eats too much popcorn on the north side of Chicago. Bet you couldn't guess that her real name is actually not Sissy, but it's what her family likes to call her by. Also, She's loud and is very glad you can't hear her.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.