The Horrible Question Everyone's Asking on YouTube

Dearest Corn Muffins, we were so alarmed and saddened to hear of this trend where young teens post videos to YouTube asking commenters whether they're ugly. (And seriously? Even Jennifer Lawrence would look cracked on a webcam. That angle is the WORST.) We thought we'd squashed this bug back in 2000 with Hot or Not. With the risk of sounding all "you are a beautiful, perfect snowflake in my eyes" -your mom, let us tell you, now and forever, with Christina Aguilera playing quietly in the background, that you are not ugly. You are beautiful.

Ugly is not about the way the features on your face are uniquely arranged or whether your eyes are asymmetrical. Ugly is a way of being and a way of seeing the world. People who would comment negatively on such a video are ugly. We might not all be physically pretty in the conventional sense, but who really agrees on that anyway? (I, for one, think Gisele is a little horsey looking.) What's important is that we are all beautiful in our own way, and I guarantee there are people out there who see it, and they're the ones who matter, not djcrotchcradle_281, whose finger is surgically attached to the exclamation point key.

If you really feel you must plumb the depths of YouTube wisdom, may we suggest some better questions to ask your viewers?

• Do I have any boogers?
• What book should I read next?
• Gale or Peeta?
• What's your favorite word?
• Who would win in a fight, Madonna or Dolly Parton? (For the record, our money is on Dolly Parton.)
• When I close my eyes, do I become invisible?
• Should I eat the pint of Chunky Monkey or the pint of Cheesecake Brownie?
• How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
• What number am I thinking of right NOW?
• Can you hear me now?
• What does the back of my head look like?
• What should I name my cat?
• What celebrity should I crush on next?
• Why do bad things happen to good people?
• What haircut should I get?
• Chipotle or Qdoba?

What do you have to say to teens posting these videos, oh wise Sparklers?