Mock Trial Is Way Geekier Than Glee Club

Imagine our collective surprise when glee clubs, long populated by self-proclaimed “losers,” mounted the trusty steed FOX and galloped to near ubiquity a short few years ago. “We’re geeks!” proclaimed talented performers across the country as they fastened their false eyelashes and boarded their shuttle bus to singing competitions literally polluted with good-looking love prospects. Losers? Nice try.

If you want to hitch a ride on the next rising star, you will want to put down the falsies, reach for your briefcase and get yourself to mock trial, stat. Zooey Deschanel has nothing on the adorkables that research criminal cases and present evidence in pretend courts in their spare time. Geek underdogs, board the bus now: by summer, celebrities and style icons will be schmoozing with high school mock trialers on the red carpet while teens across the country gossip about the constitution and voir dire. Next stop is regionals!

But for now, here is why mock trial is geekier than glee:

• Do glee clubs have evidence corkboards and stick pointers? We thought not.
• Do glee club singers get to utter phrases like, “Your honor, the prosecution calls the first witness”? Way to one-up on the Rachel Barrys, mock lawyers.
• Let’s compare the costumes: Glee clubs wear sequined leotards; grade 10 attorneys wear pantsuits. Nerd point to mock trial.
• The performance: one group sings Lady Gaga covers, while the other argues the innocence of a fictitious defendant to a panel of 50-year-old judges on a Friday afternoon. Point again to mockers.
• Check out the drama: one group arranges Journey songs into a medley, while the other busts out arguments on the social fabric of this country, and throws down a defense of justice, human rights and legal procedure.
• Who are more useful people to have around during peaceful, ideological political upheaval, such as an Occupy event? Sure, glee clubbers would be able to contribute magical a capella to the drum circle, but everyone knows that the entire protest movement secretly can’t stand the drum circle. Go back to Blue Man Group where you came from, drummers! On the other hand, mock trialers can argue the rights of protesters in a public space... until police move in to squash their voices. Still, the geek point goes to trial.

Not dorky enough for you? There’s always model congress.

Any mock trialers out there?