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Least Appropriate Prom Themes

Least Appropriate Prom Themes

By Rachel Korowitz

Enchantment Under the Sea Prom? So 1955-and-please-tell-me-you've-seen-this-movie.

Meant for Each Other Prom? So 1999-and-please-tell-me-you've-never-seen-this-movie.

Those themes are old and tired and safe. Make your prom stand out with one of these terrible bad-boys:

  • Carrie Prom: Dress code: '70s prom attire. Just like the Stephen King book, things seem peachy until the prom queen [SPOILER ALERT] unexpectedly gets splattered with pig's blood. All attendees re-enact the telekinetic carnage that ensues. Fake blood will be sold in the lobby.
  • Office Prom: Dress code: business casual. Attendees will be required to sit at a cubicle and enter data for four hours; earbuds may be worn to tune out surrounding prom-goers. A 45-minute break will be permitted for stale sandwiches and burned coffee. After another four hours of desk time, attendees will return home to balance their checkbooks, watch Downton Abbey on Netflix, and vaguely think about starting up that sandwich truck before falling asleep on the couch.
  • Polar Bear Plunge Prom: Dress code: bathing suits. The highlight of this prom, which is held in a massive refrigeration unit, comes when everyone jumps into the near-freezing pool in the middle of the room. Prom court titles awarded to the brave souls who a) can endure the icy water the longest and b) don't die from shock.
  • Therapy Prom: Dress code: something with Kleenex. Each prom-goer is required to undergo an hour-long session with a certified psychiatrist. The process is repeated for individuals, couples, and circles of friends. After-party options include the "crying room," writing letters to people you've wronged, and quiet reflection.
  • Borscht Belt Prom: Dress code: bowtie, checkered suit, dentures. Mandatory accessories: rubber chicken, whoopie cushion, joy buzzer, books including 101 Knock-Knock Jokes and Yiddish For Yuksters. Prom court titles based on "most original pun" and "least original comb-over." All attendees are encouraged to act meshugana.
  • Silent Prom: Dress code: who cares, because no one's going to talk about it anyway. Venue: a sound-proofed studio. All attendees are sworn to silence, and music is specifically forbidden. Additional forms of communication, including hand gestures, written signs, and thumbs up/thumbs down motions, are equally discouraged.
  • Nudist Prom: Dress code: yo' birthday suit. It's just like the regular prom, only, you know, nude. Prom court titles awarded for not staring, not blushing, and generally not making eye contact with anyone.
  • Mom Prom: Dress code: hand-selected by your mother. Guess what, everybody? Your mom's your mandatory date to this one, and don't you dare give me that look, young man. Activities include musical chairs, cleaning your room, and being nicer to your little sister.

What's your prom theme? Is it gross?

Topics: Guide to Prom
Tags: prom, prom themes, bad ideas

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