How to Not Be a Valentine's Day Grinch
With little_miss_sparky's awesome tips, you can stop hoarding all your pizza to throw at the V-day lovebirds. –Sparkitors
Picture this: You're sitting in an expensive restaurant holding a bouquet of red roses and blue violets, whilst simultaneously eyeballing your hot SO from the other end of a very long pasta noodle. Sound familiar? More importantly, does it sound like the situation you'll be in on February 14? If your answer was less "Don't you know it! (winky face)" and more *headdesk headdesk*, then you just might be a Valentine's Day Grinch.
For us grinches, Valentine’s Day is a commercialized joke of a holiday, designed to celebrate the deliciousness of butt-shaped candy and the cuddliness of teddy bears holding stuffed hearts that say "I wuv you." For someone who doesn't have a soulmate yet, the day can suck—suddenly it's like a love epidemic, with couples engrossed in PDA everywhere you turn! But if you think you're going to have a terrible V-Day this year, think again. This Valentine's Day could be your best one yet! Here's how to make your grinchy heart grow three sizes on Tuesday:
1. Have fun anyway! Who says V-Day is only for attached-at-the-mouth couples? What better way to have oodles of singleton fun than singing about all those dorky couples SITTING IN A TREE, K-I-S-S-I-N-G? And while you're distracting them, have your friend tape pink paper hearts to their butts. Cue hysterical maniacal laughter.
2. Spend time with your imaginary soulmate. Have an eye-candy movie marathon! Warning: Excessive drooling may ensue. Logan Lerman and I are looking forward to our evening, in case you were wondering.
3. Love yourself. Since you don't have an annoying significant other to spend money on, treat yo' self instead! Remember, money can't buy happiness, but it can buy cupcakes and ice cream. And sometimes that's the same thing.
4. Celebrate love, even if you're not in it. Put a smile on someone's face. Offer free hugs. Secretly drop a single rose into random lockers. Sit back and enjoy the good vibes.
5. Chocolate. 'Nuff said. Unless you're allergic, eat it till your teeth rot. I kid! Brush your teeth twice after.
6. Sigh. With relief! You're single, full of jingle, and ready to mingle. Enjoy your life as an unattached person without a care in the world! And maybe laugh just a little at the guys who forgot it was Valentine's Day until 10 that morning.
7. Dream. It doesn't hurt to be positive. This Valentine's Day, I WILL get kisses to infinity! Hershey's Kisses will most certainly do. Life may not be a movie, but you can still dream that someday your smokin’ hot hunk o’ love will hold a boombox outside my, er, your window. Or profess his/her undying devotion to you in front of the entire school. Or hold out a ring on bended knee.
But until then, wipe that ForeverAlone expression off your face and just be awesome! Cause I want you to know that you are all my valentines. And I would TOTES eat an expensive bowl of noodles with each and every one of you.
Still feeling grinchy, or are you ready to eat metaphorical noodles with little_miss_sparky?
Related post: How to be a Valentine's Day Grinch
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