February Horoscopes

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Remember that a crisis sometimes turns out to be an opportunity, while opportunistic bees often turn out to be a crisis. A romance will move you in a new direction this month, which is peculiar, because we thought we had figured out pretty much all of the directions already. Save your pennies, because when the moon aliens invade, we'll need them; you'll know why when it happens. Your bizarre February holiday is Toothache Day.