Auntie SparkNotes: The Unbutterflied Stomach

Dear Auntie,

I am a junior girl in high school and I've never had a boyfriend. I've liked guys and I've had one or two ask me out, but nothing has ever worked out. But now I've sort of reconnected with this guy that I've known since 4th grade. He's so sweet and funny and gorgeous, a real gentleman, and so nice to me. And I'm attracted to him, and we hang out all the time, and our friends are friends with each other. Now you're probably thinking, this sounds great! What's your problem?

Well, this sounds dumb, but I just don't get butterflies when I'm around him! I did with all the other guys I've liked though. I think maybe it's because before I've always picked guys that I barely knew/ never had a chance with, and I always got my hopes up. But now that I picked a guy that I *do* have a chance with, my stomach is perfectly un-butterflied. Does this mean I don't like him?

Wow! Um, I hope not? Because if a lack of stomach butterflies indicates a lack of like—and, conversely, if the presence of that fluttery, gut-churning sensation means that love is in the air—then I'm in some serious trouble. Because not only do I apparently not like my husband at all, but I also have a huge, long-standing, all-consuming crush on my dentist! Because hoo boy, when he comes at me with the spit-sucking appliance and that waterpik thing, my gut-terflies start pupating like nobody's business.

Which is to say that no, this doesn't mean you don't like him. It just means that that butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling isn't so much a symptom of romance as it is a sign of nervousness; it's your body's version of running circles around the room and screaming "OHMAGAWWWWWD! WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN?!" Which is why you get it when you're facing an uncertain outcome with a guy you don't know well, but not when you've got the mutually-assured affection of a dude you've known for ages... and, of course, why I get it when Doctor Pokesalot starts coming at my molars with his stainless steel toolbox of pointy horrors.

And if you're not sure where to go from here, here's an idea: stop worrying about the butterflies you don't have, and start taking stock of the things you do... namely, a guy who you're attracted to, who you feel confident with, and about whom you can say nothing but wonderful things even though you've known him since he was a nose-picking, scabby-kneed, cootie-covered ten year-old. Because if you're looking for a foundation to build a relationship on, that beats butterflies every time.

Do you think stomach butterflies are a relationship necessity? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.