The Rules' Fairytale Ending

TWO CHAPTERS LEFT!

You know something that makes reading this book easier? Reading it in the voice of Hilly Holbrook from The Help. That southern drawl is just perfect for E-Fein and Shusher.

Rule #33: Do The Rules and Y’all’ll Live Happily Evah Aftah! “Let’s face it, many of the things we ask you to do or not do in this book are downright difficult. Not calling him, not being intimate too soon, not bringing up marriage or children, and ending the date first require a great deal of self-restraint, patience, and determination. …And the agony of not calling him! There were many days when we just had to hear his voice.

“So what kept us going? What made us continue doing The Rules? The incredible, unbelievable pay-offs, twenty of which are listed below. So when you find yourself resisting doing a certain Rule, read this list and summon the courage. Remember, men want you more when you do The Rules and lose interest quicker when you don’t.”

The twenty things include: he wants to marry you, he wants to be near you, he writes love notes or poetry for you, he finds your quirks cute and not annoying, he calls you, and he “gets angry when you don’t pay attention to him.” Gosh, he sounds like an 8-year-old.

In my opinion, none of these are completely a result of how you treat a man, although that may factor into it. They really start with whether or not the man is a good one or not, and whether or not he’s in love with you.

This is like saying you will always get good coffee if you go into a coffee shop and act like you deserve good coffee (i.e., you act like you’re from Seattle. Trust me. I know people from Seattle. I lived one ferry-ride away from there for a couple months). The fact is, you don’t know whether you’re going to get good coffee when you walk into a coffee shop. If it’s a popular place, you can guess it’ll be good, and if it’s a college coffee shop, you can guess that the coffee will be made in a rush (since college kids do everything that’s important in a rush and everything that’s worthless as slow. As. Possible.) but you can never know for sure.

And if you go into a coffee shop with a pea coat on (collar up), wearing thick-rimmed glasses and a black beanie and you haven’t shaved since Christmas, chances are you’re going to get the same-quality coffee as the guy in front of you! Your behavior can’t change the barista’s style of coffee-making—at least not enough to transform him from a bad barista into a good barista. That’s dependent on how well he’s been trained, how good his ingredients are, and whether or not he’s a good worker.

Same with your SO. (But don’t take the ingredients part as a crass joke. It wasn’t meant as such. Stop snickering, butthead!)

“Still another incentive for doing The Rules is what you won’t get:” and they go on to list outside counseling, physical abuse, “messy divorces” (as opposed to neat divorces?), anxiety, and cheating.

Hurray for E-Flub and Shushup! They’ve solved world Not Happiness.

Verdict on Rule #33: Do The Rules and You’ll Live Happily Ever After: YeahNO. (That's a fancy way of saying "no.")

Yehs: 6

Hmaybes: 6

Nehs: 14

What do you think: Can your actions change another person?

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