Gather round, kiddos, for what I can only imagine is in the top ten worst Valentine’s Days ever. It sounds like folklore, but it’s unfortunately all true: It happened to me. I got dumped on Valentine’s Day.
I had been dating Ryan* for a really long time. Years. Things weren’t great, but we had been through rough patches before. School was really demanding for me, and I had taken on other responsibilities like being in my school’s musical. In short, I didn’t have much time for Ryan. Then again, he didn’t have much time for me (foreshadowing).
On Valentine’s Day, I came home from musical practice to an empty apartment. It wasn’t a huge deal–like I said, we had been dating a long time, so I wasn’t expecting a giant teddy bear or a Romeo & Juliet-esque soliloquy. He said he was out with friends at a comedy show, which was certainly true. He was there with our friends Robby and Gertrude, another couple that we spent a lot of time with. What a romantic Valentine’s Day for everyone!
Except the “friends” part was only partly true. It turns out he and Gertrude had decided to date each other over the last few weeks. For whatever reason, Gertie decided to spend Valentine’s day with Robby and her new boyfriend/my current boyfriend Ryan—probably because she's selfish and lame and ugly.
It wasn’t only that they decided they were in “love,” or whatever that means to two psychopaths, but that they had been cheating on Robby and me for literal years.
Anyway, I knew none of this on Valentine’s Day. I went to bed, tried to make plans with Ryan to have a nice dinner later in the week, and basically ignored my imploding relationship.
A couple days later (so yes, technically I got dumped on what I think was February 16th, and not Valentine's Day, but that's a technicality, Sparklers), I came home from musical practice to an empty apartment. Ryan wasn’t home, but I was exhausted, and didn’t care. He finally came home about an hour later. I told him I missed him, since we had barely seen each other all week, and then he decided it was finally time to tell me about his other girlfriend, Gertie. He said he was in love with her, and that she was leaving Robby, and they were going to live happily ever after.
I told him to “shut the front door” so to speak, and he left to go stay … I don’t know where, hopefully in a gutter. I wish I could say I didn't send them terrifying texts, emails, and Facebook sabotages all night but, well, I'm just not that mature.
I prayed that they would get married and have ugly children and cheat on each other, but unfortunately they didn’t work out. I know, who would have thought that two awful cheaters couldn’t make it work?!! It just makes you think… if they can’t make it, who can? You know, other than loyal people with moral compasses.
Anyway, I still super hate them but I don’t have to see either of them, so that makes things better. It’s been almost a year now, and while I’m definitely better off, that doesn’t mean I can’t like, hope they stub their toes or eat bad sushi or lose in Words With Friends. Also I saw Ryan at a restaurant recently and he looked gross and sloppy, which always helps.
Can you compete? What terrible things have happened to you or your friends on Valentine’s Day?
*Names and a few details have been changed to protect the not-that-innocent.