Auntie SparkNotes: Being Disgusting Is Teenage Tradition

Dear Auntie,

I'm a 14 year old girl. I understand that the world has changed pretty quickly over the past few decades and that we are much, much more open with things nowadays - and when I say "things", I'm referring to stuff that implies the HND.

Lately the Facebook status' being made by my peers have been rather suggestive about... activites that they have been engaged in. Whilst I know some of them are just playing around, and I won't lie and say that I myself don't make jokes about the HND, I do think some of them are being serious about what they are saying. This isn't just confined to Facebook, of course. There have been some examples in real life - even with people that I had presumed that held the same morals as I hold.

My point is, did I miss something? Did everyone else get the green light to participate in the HND at the tender age of 13/14 and I just missed it? This isn't to say I want to join in on this new "trend" - in fact, most of the time I believe I'm making the right decision by not participating - but I've never really been very up to date with my age group. Has it become acceptable in this day's society for such promiscious behaviour from such young people? If so, Auntie, what do I do when I am ready to go that further step? What if my partner has been practising from the age 14 and I'm just a blumbering first timer? How would I avoid that supreme awkwardness? Am I doing the right thing by not getting involved in that?

Wow.
Really?
Really.

...Really?!

Sorry, Sparkler—I'm just shocked that you're shocked! Because as these things go, a bunch of fourteen-year-olds being suddenly obsessed with the HND is hardly a surprising development; as a group, teenagers are kind of notorious, now and always, for becoming a bunch of filthy-minded horntoads at precisely the moment that they hit puberty en masse. Which is why, when archeologists unearthed the ruins of Pompeii, nobody was shocked to discover—in addition to many fascinating artifacts from ancient Roman civilization—a charming collection of graffiti featuring copious poop jokes, no small number of penis drawings, and a scribbled request that some long-deceased individual "take off your tunic, please, and show us your hairy privates."

Which is to say: sorry to disappoint, darling, but your generation did not actually invent being gross in public.

And speaking of timeless lessons on sexual expression: it's been true for many, many years that the people who talk about sex the most are also usually having it the least. Which means that your friends' filthy Facebook feeds should all be taken with several thousand grains of salt. (Not to mention that you yourself admit to making jokes about the HND despite being a veritable paragon of sexual restraint—which means that you of all people should realize that talking about sex in public is in no way an indication that you're Doing It in private.) And while yes, some of your more uninhibited and early-blooming peers are probably starting to run the famous bases of sexual metaphor—although let's not forget that the vast majority are holding off on doing the deed itself until their late teens—this isn't evidence of the downfall of civilization. It just means that now, as always, some people are more eager than others to stick their hands down each other's pants.

And as long as they're doing so safely, responsibly, and consensually, then... well, good for them.

So, what does this mean for you? First, that you can stop worrying about the sex lives of your peers—and while you're at it, start understanding that everyone approaches sex differently. Some people are raring to go from the moment they hit puberty; some people can't get comfy with their sexuality until well into their 20s; some people want to wait for love or marriage; and some people don't even want to wait until they're home from the bar. And as long as they come to the decision with honesty, self-awareness and respect, no one of these approaches is better or more moral than the others. It's a deeply personal choice, plain and simple.

Which means that not having sex is absolutely the right choice for you... as long as you think it is. And it also means that you don't have to care what anyone else—not your friends, not your family, not your future partners—might think about that choice. You just have to decide what's best for you, and the rest will follow. And when it does come time to get sexy with someone, you don't have to be accountable for the sex you haven't had (or have had, for that matter) to anyone but yourself. Because a person who holds your past experience against you, whatever it is, is a person not worth your time.

How do YOUR Facebook updates compare to the dirty graffiti of ancient Rome? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.

Related post: Auntie SparkNotes: Someone Has Dumped You On Facebook