9 Surefire Ways to Impress Your Ex

Everyone who's ever had their heart broken is (at least briefly) driven by a singular, ferocious goal: to make their ex rue the day they said goodbye. But how to achieve such rue-ination? (Ha, we're funny.) Well, as our moms always say, "the best revenge is living well." But scratch the living well part—let's make it living awesome. Don't go quietly into the dark night! Don't cross the cafeteria to avoid seeing him! Basically, don't be mad, just be better. Here are a few ideas to get you started on your road to personal success, professional fulfillment, and being an all-around rad momma-jomma (Samuel L. Jackson uses that word all the time. Just go with it).

Find and wear your magic outfit, then "magically" run into your ex. 
The first time I saw my ex after he and I broke up, I looked better than I ever had before, and ever will again. I probably won't even look as good on my wedding day. I probably won't even look that good if I became a celeb and had a team whose job it was to make me look that good. It was like the goddesses of good hair days and zit-free skin (you know, the ones who are usually with The Klum) got together and rained their blessings on me. It was just brilliant. For the record, my magic outfit is a purple dress. Yours can be anything, as long as it makes you feel like you have the power of 10,000 Victoria's Secret models.

Use stories from your life to advance from question to question in "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" until, against all odds, you come to the final round and win the whole thing.
This is also the plot of Slumdog Millionaire, so you know it's legit.

Snag a gold medal in that Olympic sport where you have to shoot something whilst on skis.
Why this specific event? Well, the harder the more impressive, right? And you have to get good at two things, so it's impressive to the second power. I mean, why not devote your life to target shooting while hurtling down a mountain at a high speed? It's more exciting than, say, helping others (boring!), or curing some disease (too much time in a lab!) or even figuring out how to properly fold a fitted sheet (who are you, Martha Stewart?). And it can go in the special skills section on your resume, which will take you far in your post-Olympics life.

Be Adele.
I think it's safe to say she's impressed her exes, no?

Run the New York City Marathon.
Forget just wowing your old flame—this will astound everyone, because marathons are hard and go against the human desire to be lazy. You could even come in last place, and it wouldn't matter. Still good. Still impressive. Just make sure you get your friends to make a big deal about it on Facebook. Or, you can run for a cause: the "Helping [Your Ex's Name Here] Become a Real Human Being," a philanthropic group focused on teaching one specific person to eat buffalo wings in a less-disgusting way.

Set a world record for longest nails.
I think it's time someone kicked this lady off her weird throne. Why can't it be you? Dream big. Live out loud.

Save someone's life.
Anything that can get you covered on the evening news is a good thing. I know what you're thinking: how do you find someone's life to save? Well, first things first. You'll have to put your own life on hold. Tell college, "Thanks, but no thanks! I'm off to make my mark on the world—on my own terms!" Go hang out in semi-dangerous places: a river that has rapids, train tracks, busy intersections, anywhere bulls are, Mariah Carey's shoe closet. Then wait. It'll happen. And when it does, you'll be ready. BONUS: Get someone to play The Fray on a stereo while you're doing it and you'll feel like your in your own episode of "One Tree Hill"!

Become a stuntwoman.
Won't your ex feel dumb when you're jumping off buildings, setting yourself on fir,e and driving a car off a cliff? He's probably just chilling in a safe place somewhere. Playing X-Box. Listening to Arcade Fire. Eating pizza bagels. Being lame.

Solve global warming.
And then just send you ex this note: "You're welcome."

DONE AND DONE. We are officially doing ALL OF THESE. You are welcome to join us by the the train tracks, but you must bring your own skis.

Related post: What NOT to Do to Show Your Ex You're Over It