How To Spot a Liar

We all know what the stereotypical liar looks like—shifty eyes, a curly mustache, shoulders hunched because he's lugging around a bag with a dollar sign on it, stripey prison jumpsuit. Maybe there are some stink lines coming off him. Also he keeps glancing over his shoulder and shouting things like "You'll never catch me, coppers! Nyah!"

Of course, in real life, liars are a lot more subtle. Many of them are able to smile and lie right to your face, which is among the worst body parts for someone to lie to. Here are some ways to detect these liars in mid-lie.

Make eye contact
Catching a liar based on his eye movements is quite simple! If you're talking to someone who keeps looking up and to the left, he is constructing memories, and therefore lying, unless he is left-handed, in which case he is telling the truth, unless he is imagining sounds, in which case he will look straight to the left. Or the right. Unless he is a good liar, in which case he will look straight ahead. So, in conclusion, anybody who looks anywhere is lying. If you're talking to someone who doesn't look anywhere because he has no eyes, then you are dealing with a mole person, and they are also notorious liars.

Press for details
Liars' brains are so preoccupied with their prepared lies that any request for more information will often make them blurt out a bunch of unintelligible nonsense. If you pester your friend about his mysterious Canadian girlfriend whom nobody has ever met, and he sputters that her name is um, Bl... Blernda, and she is from Canadatown, then you have a liar on your hands. (Apologies in advance to Canadians named Blernda.)

Note unusual behavior
Are you used to a certain level of physical closeness with your girlfriend, but she has suddenly started maintaining an unusual distance from you? Do your interactions feel terse and rushed? Is she sweating? These are all warning signs that you might be on fire.

Look for fidgeting
A liar might keep touching his face, because that is the part of the body that lies come out of. He might keep shifting from foot to foot, like he is wearing uncomfortable stolen shoes. He might have stolen your shoes! Check to see that you still have your shoes.

Listen for verbal tells
Liars will often try to buy themselves time by repeating your questions or using filler phrases; they might try to deflect your questions with unrelated commentary, or to direct your attention elsewhere. Here are some examples:

• "Who sat on your cat, you ask? Well, you see, the thing about that is..."
• "Speaking of cats, did you know that there is a sale on cats at the cat store? They are almost certainly better than your former cat that an escaped criminal sat on, probably."
• "What, your cat? OH MY GOD THERE IS A BIRD OUTSIDE. Look at that bird. I have to go now."

Have you ever caught someone in a lie?