Conquering My Fears and Finding Some Major Confidence Pants!
ForeverlostinAusten has a mission to accomplish, and nothing is going to get in her way!—Sparkitors
I hail from the almighty land of New Zealand (you know, the one with all the sheep? Lord of the Rings ringing any bells?), which means, luckily for me, that IT’S SUMMER! No more school, no more homework, nothing to do but look forward to Christmas and peruse the gorgeous beaches for hunky kiwi guys.
But unfortunately, this freedom to man-shop means next to nothing. Because like so many other wonderful, amazing, fantastic, and excruciatingly shy Spaklers, I have No. Confidence. Pants.
Oh, it’s easy enough behind a computer screen. With the keyboard beneath my fingertips, I can divulge the darkest of my secrets with ease. I can create an essay detailing the subtle, universal themes of Pride and Prejudice and darn, I can even make it sound good. But in real life? Put me in front of a good-looking guy and I lose all control of speech.
“You look nice today.” my crush will say.
“...” I will say, staring at my newly-fascinating shoes.
“So how’s your day been?”
“Um... er...” *quick Preya, think of a witty answer! Tease him, flirt, do SOMETHING!* “... Good.” *...that’s the best you can come up with?!*
Have you ever been in that situation where you’re at the supermarket checkout buying a ton of ice cream, chocolate, and embarrassing girly magazines in your pajamas, and your hair looks like a Wookie’s chest, when you realize that the guy behind the counter is gorgeous and you want to make ANY kind of contact, but... you don’t have the guts to say anything other than “Yes, I would like a plastic bag for that”?
Or you pass your crush in a hallway and you try to pretend you’re too busy to look his way when really, your peripheral vision is trained on him (and my, doesn’t he look HOT with his hair like that)?
Or have you ever seen a cute guy walking your way and kept your eyes planted firmly on the floor, shoulders hunched, hurrying past him like you’re late for the Oscars in a desperate attempt to seem cool and collected as you scurry for your life?
Well if you have, congratulations! It sounds like you have a bad case of Zero Confidence Pants. And it really is like a crippling illness. Ok, well more like bad hayfever. How are we supposed to meet nice young lads and get them to fall in love with us if we can’t even manage a simple “Hello” or “How are you?” or “Let's get married NOW and watch the original three Star Wars movies on our wedding night for laughs”? It’s impossible, I tell you, impossible!
I’m not the only one I know with this problem of nil confidence. Unfortunately, my similar-minded friends don’t know any solution either. We all create this wall that we can hide behind, a defense mechanism to stop us from taking risks. “Oh, it doesn’t matter if I don’t try and talk to the guy I’ve been crushing on for a gazillion years, even though I’m not going to see him all summer and he might forget me in that time. He’ll probably end up dating a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes and stunning style. I bet her name will be Mandy. Oh, he’ll be so happy with Mandy! I’d better stay away, or I’ll get hurt.”
That’s what it all comes down to: this irrational fear that we shouldn’t try, because we’ll never make it anyway. Not with that cute guy at the beach. Not with that hot guy behind the counter at the supermarket. And certainly not with my crush at school. What. Is. The. Point?
I’ve thought about all this for a long, long time. I’ve consciously set goals to talk to guys, but I always chicken out in the end. But this summer, I’ll chicken out no longer.
My cousin (who suffers not from No Confidence Pants, but from I-Care-Too-Much-What-People-Think-Of-Me syndrome) and I have devised a list of things to do in the coming months, to help me learn how to talk to guys and to help her to stop obsessing about what people think. We’re going Bollywood dance in public, spend a day talking in British accents, go busking, read Shakespeare out loud in a public park, educate the general public on the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and take a roadtrip—and that's just PART of our plans.
Personally, I’m going to make a conscious effort to be friendly to every cute guy I meet along the way, even if I end up babbling about the pros and cons of studying Jane Eyre as opposed to reading it for leisure, and he ends up thinking I’m a total lunatic as he runs for his life. Oh well, c’est la vie.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said that we should do one thin, every day that scares us—and the idea of talking to cute guys terrifies me. So that’s my goal this summer: to get over the idea that I’ll always be rejected. And practice makes perfect—so bring it on!
YAYYYY! You GO, Foreverlost! We loveloveLOVE your killer attitude and the steps you're taking to become braver! We bet those boys will be dropping like flies! Anyone else on a quest to find some confidence pants?
Related post: How to Talk to a Guy