MORE Fashion Predictions for the Next Six Months

It’s hard enough to figure out what to wear tomorrow, let alone trying to predict what the insane fashion trends of the next six months might bring. That’s why we at SparkLife are here to do the hard work for you. We did our homework, and then did it again. Yes, here are even more fashion trends that are going to be hot and happening in the next six months:

Combustible Clothing
This will give a whole new meaning to the adjective “hot.” In addition to an entire anticipated line of flash paper undergarments, there will also be a trend of taking traditional fabrics like cotton and wool and dousing them in lighter fluid and gasoline. “But what about turning my body into a walking barbecue,” I can hear you all screaming. Of course safety was taken into consideration! Shirts and blouses will be equipped with non-flammable lining and an internal cooling system. And many trousers will feature full sprinkler systems. Higher end boutiques will offer accessories like a “body s’mores package” and propane backpacks.

Detachable Body Hair
Put that Nair back on the shelf, because the biggest thing this summer is going to be hair, hair, and more hair. And we’re not talking about the kind on your head! Expect to see adhesive strips of thick, luxurious arm hair, ready to apply right to those forearms and biceps. Hair-covered leg warmers should make an appearance at your local American Apparel next fall, as well. The trend will translate all the way to the summer Olympics where we should expect to see swimming times suffer across the board as Michael Phelps makes a repeat performance, this time in head to toe gorilla-style locks.

The 1870s Make a Comeback
Forget the 1990s comeback that everyone’s been talking about. The next year is going to be way more progressive. And by progressive, I mean regressive. All the way back to the 1870s. Taking the hipster-beard trend to the next level, we’re expecting to see mutton-chops make a huge comeback. The controversial sale of firearms at some Walmarts across the nation will only increase when they start selling muskets. The long-dead whaling industry will make a comeback as demand for blubber and whale-bone corsets rises. Of course, this hysteria will pale in comparison next year when the trend will be the 1720s.

Pasta Jewelry
The nation’s economic woes have been keeping shoppers out of most high end stores, and the sales of jewelry are way down. We expect to see a nation of fashion conscious women rise up and say “Enough is enough! We want to look good, no matter how broke we are!” That, coupled with a massive backlash against low-carb dieting will lead women to begin wearing pasta as jewelry. It will begin innocently enough with fusilli earrings and nested angel hair broaches. But when the trend takes hold, we’ll be sure to see linguini chokers, tagliatelle hair ties, and ravioli pendants.

Wicker-Wear
The always versatile, woven material is going to take the runways in Paris and Milan by storm this spring. Skirts and jackets made from the sturdy, bamboo wicker may not be the most practical articles of clothing, but anyone who’s anyone will own at least one of these items. A huge trend in wearable wicker baskets will start in the UK, then become a hot ticket item in the US by the end of the summer. We predict Lady Gaga being wheeled out onstage in a gigantic wicker casket, and emerging covered completely in a wicker robot costume at next year’s VMA’s. Her tour will be sponsored by Pier One Imports, natch.

Which of these will you be wearing?