Auntie SparkNotes: The Dreaded F-Word

Dear All-Knowing-And-Powerful-Auntie,
How does an unlucky high school guy get out of the dreaded and accursed friendzone when stuck there with a lady friend? All of the "Get out of the Friendzone in 5 Easy Steps" advice things on the world wide web seem to be geared towards men in their twenties, and they all seem to say (I'm paraphrasing) "Be rude, cold, and distant to said girl, and somehow she will like you".

I find this hard to believe, and even if it was, I don't feel comfortable doing that to get my lady. So yep, I'm a doormat sappy gentleman who needs some serious Auntie Advice! Please help!

First things first, Sparkler: please do your best to wipe the memory of that "be a jerk to get the girl" advice from your mind. It's a terrible idea that's perpetuated by a very particular type of man (commonly known as a Nice Guy™) who offers friendship and emotional support to a woman not because he actually wants to be friends, but because he believes that, eventually, said woman will reward his friendship by having sex with him. Which, of course, never works—leading this same deluded guy to decide that since being friends with women doesn't make those women want to have sex with you, clearly the best way to get laid is to act like a first-class jerk.

And if you're thinking, "But that's the most catastrophically stupid thing I've ever heard!", then guess what: you're right! Which is why, if you ever find yourself on a site that suggests that the way to win women over is to treat them like garbage—or which refers to men as PUAs and contains references to "beasting," "negging," or "Anti Slut Defense"—please close your browser immediately. And then go take a shower, just in case.

And as to how to get out of the friend zone, it's as simple as this: you walk over to the door that leads to the Land of Romance, you knock firmly, and you ask to come in. And when you do this, you do so with the understanding that:

a) the door to the Land of Romance may not open, and
b) if it doesn't, you may not be able to return to the Friend Zone, but
c) that's okay, because you never wanted to be there in the first place.

Because if a relationship is what you're after, then a relationship is what you should pursue. You're not obligated to settle for a friendship when your heart is set on something more—any more than the object of your affections is obligated to date you if she doesn't feel the love. And if the bottom drops out of your friendship as a result of your telling the truth? THAT'S OKAY. Because as anyone who's ever suffered the hell of a silent crush will tell you, it's better to go for you want and get rejected than it is to risk nothing and get nowhere. And lurking around a person you like under the pretense of friendship, when friends is the last thing you want to be, doesn't make you a romantic or a gentleman. It makes you... well, a coward.

And you're not a coward! Right? RIGHT.

So, what happens next? You take a deep breath and tell your friend that your feelings are more-than-friendly—and you accept that, while you can eject yourself from the Friend Zone by telling the truth, whether your confession lands you in the Boyfriend Zone is entirely up to her. If she likes you, she likes you; and if she doesn't, there's nothing you can do to "get" her to change her mind. You can only cross your fingers, let fly with your feelings, and remind yourself that no matter what happens, anything's better than being friendzoned and frustrated forever.

Have you ever kicked yourself out of the friendzone? How'd it work? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.