The Pre-Prom Workout

It’s almost that time of year again! Yes, National Secretary Appreciation Month is almost here. But besides that, it’s almost time for prom.

I know, I know. You’re all shouting at me in unison, “we have months to go before one of the most important/potentially embarrassing nights of our lives! Leave us alone!”

I will not! Prom is not an event that you can just roll up to unprepared. Aside from working out to fit into that special dress or tux that you have your eye on, there are actually a great many hardcore workout techniques designed specifically to prepare you for the big event. Follow this hearty pre-prom workout regimen and you’ll be sure to impress your date.

Corsage Lifts
Get those biceps ready for the ultimate flower curl! Whether your SO has decided on a rose with baby’s breath, or the classic orchid molded out of a rice crispy treat, the “lift and pin” is one of the most crucial moments of the evening. And it isn’t just about strength, it’s about accuracy. Start with a dummy corsage made of tissue paper flowers and use your parents for practice. Start with the “box opener,” then move onto the “pinch and lift.” Before you know it, you’ll have mastered the “push and pin” in no time. Just remember, it can’t look effortless unless you strengthen those digits!

Wall(flower) Presses
Standing against the back wall of the school gymnasium may be the most deceptively difficult feat of the entire Prom evening. You are not just standing against the wall, wallflowers. You are holding up that wall. You are patrolling the party perimeter! That vacant, glassy stare and forty five degree lean doesn’t come without a little sweat, either. Start by playing some lame slow jams in your bedroom at home. Approach the wall behind you with a “I’ll sit this one out” glance to your posse. Then, slowly and carefully, lean against the wall and feel! The! Burn!

Tux-athenics
The congo line. The chicken noodle soup. The diving splits. These moves are complex and exhausting on their own. Add the extra layers of cocktail dress and tuxedo to the mix, and you’ve got a seamstresses nightmare on your hands. If possible, practice this with your Prom Partner (also known as your date). The gentleman may want to construct a “practice tux” out of old draperies, while the lady can make a “mock-tail dress” out of toilet paper and coffee filters (unused, if possible). Once dressed, practice some of your signature moves together to make sure that all the buttons and zippers stay intact.

Pose, and Release
The technique for maintaining the perma-smile and laid back demeanor for the seemingly infinite number of “fun and candid” Facebook-ready photos comes from the ancient technique of yoga. This is all about strengthening your core. If your core is the group of muscles that can hold your body in ridiculous positions like “downward dog” and “sun salutation” for long periods of time, it would stand to reason that it could help you look like you’re chillaxin’ in front of the DJ booth for the forty-seventh time in as many minutes. To practice, start by deciding on a default “relaxed pose” for the evening. Hold that pose, using your core muscles to support this totally organic and chill stance. This is the one that’s really gunna hurt the next morning.

When do you start getting ready for prom?

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