Hey, you! Yeah, you, the one sitting there reading this Internet quiz about geeks, during Geek Week, on a site that celebrates geekiness 366 days a year. You've already accepted, nay, embraced both your inner and outer geek—you've even survived the grueling initiation process into geekdom's hallowed ranks. Now you're ready to find out what kind of geek you really are!
(Disclaimer: There are as many kinds of geeks as there are Neil Gaiman fans at a SparkLife house party. Here there be generalizations.)
1. No matter what else you’ve got on, you never take off your:
A. Hoth battle gear
B. Casio Calculator Watch
C. Willow-tree pendant made out of a recycled brass door knocker
D. Glasses, because years of reading have made you legally blind.
E. Hipster headband made of other people’s baby teeth.
2. Your idea of a great first date is:
A. Going on a thrift-store mission to perfect your two-person Zaphod Beeblebrox costume for Comicon 2012.
B. Going to your favorite used record store, putting Only You on the store’s turntable, and sharing a pair of headphones.
C. Using your date to stage a photo shoot for your Etsy page.
D. Fantasy casting the movie version of Sandman over pie.
E. Building a ferret-sized skateboard ramp; buying ferrets; teaching your ferrets how to skateboard.
3. When you look down at your feet, you see:
A. Converse high-tops
D. You can’t see anything over the Kurt Vonnegut omnibus in your lap.
E. One foot’s wearing a sneaker that’s covered in honey, the other is stuck in a beehive.
4. Your personal motto/favorite inspirational quote is:
C. "I can pickle that!"
E. “Where am I, and why do my elbows taste like gumbo?”
5. Your spirit animal is:
C. The common sparrow
D. The crumple-horned snorkack
E. The taxidermied squirrel your uncle ran over with his hearse.
If you answered mostly As, you're a Sci-fi Geek! Your other bike is a TARDIS, and you like to build steampunk worlds in your spare time. Somewhere on your desktop, there's a document titled "The Fringe Cancellation Contingency Plan."
If you answered mostly Bs, you're an 80s Geek! You're pretty sure Jake Ryan could beat Mr. Darcy in a fistfight, and this is your new favorite song.
If you answered mostly Cs, you're a Crafty Geek! Your laptop is wrapped in a homemade cozy, and your itchy knitting finger keeps hitting the D key. Go check on your homemade kombucha, before it explodes!
If you answered mostly Ds, you're a Liberal Arts Geek! The most low-impact of the geek modes, this covers all you lit geeks, cinegeeks, and assorted other culture kids who only watch reality TV as a sociology experiment.
If you answered mostly Es, we're sorry, but you’re not a geek. You’re just a Terrifying Weirdo. Maybe try taking off your custom-made tap sneakers once in a while, or stop answering every question by screaming the word "NEGATORY."
And if you answered mostly "None of the below," then you are the proudest geek of all: the Don't-put-me-in-a-box Geek. Shine on, you crazy hunk of compressed carbon!
You already know what we're going to ask: WHAT KIND OF GEEK ARE YOU???
Related post: Geek Week!