How to ENJOY Eating Lunch By Yourself

sumsparkler one-ups claudiachance's post and tells you not just how to survive a lonely lunch, but make the most of it!—Sparkitors

I know most people hate eating lunch alone, and I don't blame them! Sometimes it sucks to be alone, whether it's because your friends ditched, you don't have any, or you transferred from one lunch period to the next and are to afraid to join a new table. Or maybe you stole all the tamales on Tamale Tuesday and now nobody will talk to you, because damn, are they ever serious about their tamales. Whatever. The point is, you don't have to hide your face like a social leper; on the contrary, you can have a jolly good time at your table for one! Here's how:

1. Draw a face on an apple and name it Stevie. Set him across the table from you and buy him a lunch. Introduce people to him. When they act confused or call you a weirdo, draw a tear on Stevie and point at them accusingly, saying they made him cry. Then get in a loud argument with the Stevie about politics.

2. Hum the song Me Party from The Muppets movie (you did see that, didn't you?)

3. Buy several bananas. Unpeel them carefully, one by one, and line up all the peels on the floor around your table. Congratulations, you have just set up your first banana moat. Now Stevie will be safe.

4. Get mashed potatoes and gravy. Pull out some chopsticks and attempt to eat the mashed potatoes with them for the better part of 20 minutes, eventually getting frustrated and screaming "Heck with this!" before dumping them on your face. Hopefully they will have cooled by that point.

5. Mash up all the bananas from Step 3, and mix them in a cup with your milk. Yay! Banana smoothie. Share with Stevie.

6. Pull all of your textbooks out of your backpack and arrange them in a precarious tower. Put Stevie at the top and make him say "I'm king of the world!"

7. Have a stare-off with Stevie.

8. Make Stevie stare at someone sitting at the table nearest to you. Draw angry eyes on him. Play the song Somebody's Watching Me while blithely eating your sandwhich. Shrug when people glare.

9. Look for some poor lone passerby, grab their arm, and pull them over to your table, squealing about how you have to show them something. When you arrive, point proudly to your banana moat. Then ask them to join you and Stevie on your quest for pirate treasure.

10. You COULD do homework. But that would be boring. Instead, run around shrieking that (insert mean teacher's name here) is having a HUGE pop quiz after lunch, and that it counts for 80% of your final grade. Gleefully watch your fellow Lunch-ians panic and run to the library. Then walk over to their deserted tables and steal their cookies (see what I did there? "DESERTED"??)

11. Try to tape a carrot onto someone without them noticing

13. Have a dance party. Make a conga line with Stevie.

14. Draw mustaches on everything.

15. Be awesome.

This list cracked us UP. What are your tips for enjoying lunch by yourself?

Related post: How to Survive a Lonely Lunch