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What To Expect In 2012

What To Expect In 2012

By Scott Greenstone

Whatever your thoughts are on the Rapture, the Apocalypse, Ragnarok, or the Rapapocarok (zombie Viking gods pouring bowls of pudding on the earth), you will probably agree that 2012 is going to be an eventful year. Here are some things we can look forward to:

The end of the world, of course: We all know that December 21st is The Day Foretold, but did you know that December 20th is The Night For PARTAY? I mean, think about it—if you wake up with inexplicable glitter all over your face on December 21st, are you going to care that it's the end of the world? He-ell no. So start planning the continent-spanning food fights now!

The end of The Simpsons, probably: Or were they going to keep going until Season 503?

The end of the hashtag craze, for sure: But that thing needed to die anyway. #hilariousinternetculturejoke

The end of Apple, but let’s hope not: Although we should face the facts. Steve Jobs was the only thing between the Inter-Dimensional Portal of the iBorg and us. The iBorg want their children back. They want them back now.

The end of Silly Bandz, or—I think? Wait, that was last year. Wait, what are Silly Bandz?

The end of the Twilight films, let’s hope: All good things must come to an end. Same goes for all not-good things.

The end of SparkLife, NEVER: Because we’re going to build our own escape pods. But the eds have got that covered! Your job is to save your favorite part of this place to take with us into our new lives. Chelsea is taking a shopping cart full of spray-on anti-perspirants; Emily is taking either a jar of nearly-expired gummy bears or an only-once-used toothbrush but the woman can’t make up her darn mind; Dan just wrote down “Something big and balloon-esque” on the sign-up sheet. I’m bringing the moon. Does anyone have, like, a big Ziploc bag?

What's in your escape pod?

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Topics: Life
Tags: tv, the future, 2012, the apocalypse, the simpsons

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About the Author
Scott Greenstone

I write freely.

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