All right, Hollywood; you wanna put TSwizzle in the silver screen version of one of the most acclaimed musicals of all time? Well two can play at this game. In an attempt to adapt to living in a world that allows our most beloved musicals to be turned into horrifying pop starlet-experiments-gone-wrong, we have decided to make our own celebrity cast lists for stage-classics-turned-blockbusters. We hopes this hurts you as much as it hurts us, Hollywood. But we know that it won't.
The classic: RENT
The cast list:
Mark: Lindsay Lohan
Roger: Lindsay Lohan
Maureen: Lindsay Lohan
Mimi: Lindsay Lohan
Joanne: Lindsay Lohan
Collins: Lindsay Lohan
Angel: Lindsay Lohan
The classic: PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
The cast list:
The Phantom: An apple
Christine: Britney Spears
Carlotta: Kreayshawn
Raoul: The ghost of Charles Dickens
Madame Giry: RuPaul
Meg Giry: I think we can find someone actually named Meg Giry, am I right? Maybe she's an accountant or something?
Firmin: Will Smith
Joseph Buquet: Taylor Lautner's abs
The classic: HAIRSPRAY
The cast list:
Tracy Turnblad: An Urban Outfitters model
Edna Turnblad: Heidi Klum
Velma von Tussle: That skateboarding bulldog from YouTube
Wilbur Turnblad: An actual whoopie cushion
Penny Pingleton: Johnny Depp
Corny Collins: The Geico gecko
Motormouth Maybelle: Dakota Fanning
Amber Von Tussle: The Pussycat Dolls
Link Larkin: A mannequin
The classic: WICKED
The cast list:
Elphaba: Adele (Ok, this one's pretty awesome.)
Galinda: Christina Ricci as Wednesday Addams
Nessarose: One of the Harlem Globetrotters
Dr. Dillamond: An actual goat
Fiyero: Michael Caine
Boq: The Monopoly guy!
The Wizard of Oz: The Jonas Brothers
The classic: CHICAGO
The cast list:
Velma Kelly: Your little sister
Roxie Hart: J.K. Rowling, in her stage debut
Billy Flynn: A spider plant that looks like it has opinions
Amos Hart: *We cut the role entirely, so edgy!
Matron "Mama" Morton: Kate Bosworth
Mary Sunshine: Ryan Seacrest
The Six Merry Murderesses: Any of the groups from The Sing Off (Don't mess with my Cell Block Tango or you will BE the Cell Block Tango. I don't know what that means either, but it sounded threatening)
... And while we're at it, let's rip the band-aid completely off and wreck a few more of our favorite things. There's nothing to look forward to now!
THE HUNGER GAMES: BREAKING DAWN
Katniss Everdeen: Kristen Stewart
Peeta Mellark: Robert Pattinson
Gale Hawthorne: Taylor Lautner, the actual human (minus the abs, unfortunately, as they're tied up at photo-shoots for the Phantom premiere)
Haymitch Abernathy: Peter Facinelli
Primrose Everdeen: Ashley Greene
President Snow: Kellan Lutz
THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO ON ICE
Lisbeth Salander: Miley Cyrus as Hannah Montana
Mikael Blomkvist: Billy Ray Cyrus as Billy Ray Cyrus
Henrik Vanger: The guy who plays Santa Claus in Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
Anita Vanger: Whoopi Goldberg
Martin Vanger: Zac Efron
Erika Berger: Lady Gaga
Frode: Elijah Wood as Frodo
Nils Bjurman: Mother Teresa
TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD: IN IMAX 3D
Atticus Finch: Russell Brand
Scout: Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen's Starbucks cup
Jem: Cryogenically frozen Walt Disney
Boo Radley: Ryan Reynolds
Tom Robinson: Charlie Sheen
Bob Ewell: Alan Rickman
Charles Baker "Dill" Harris: Kanye West
We're prettttty sure this is the funniest post we've read all week. Come on, like you DIDN'T snort chocolate milk through your nose when Chrissie cast AN APPLE to play the Phantom of the Opera? How would you re-cast your favorite musicals in the worst possible way? What's your dream cast list for these stage classics?
Related post: Who's About to Join the Star-Studded Cast of Les Miserables?
Topics: Life, Entertainment
Tags: taylor swift, musicals, funny things, phantom of the opera, celebs, les miserables, rent
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