Auntie SparkNotes: Teachercrush

Hi, Auntie!
I've got a problem. I'm an eighteen year old girl, and a senior in high school. And I am kind of in love with my Physics teacher. Who is kind of thirty-one. And kind of married. And kind of has a three year old daughter.

I've had this class since the end of August. We hit it off right at the start of school, but I didn't start having feelings for him until late September. There's been flirting on both sides (he's told me that I'm pretty, smart, interesting, and awesome, on separate occasions), we talk whenever there's free time in class, and he's told the class that I'm his "favorite."

I don't even really consider him a teacher, honestly. He's like my best friend. (I do have friends my own age, but this is different.) We talk very easily, and make jokes, and have a lot in common. I'm not one of those people who always gets this way. I've never felt anything like this before toward a teacher. I mean, sure, I've been close with a few of them, but I've never dreamt of the HND with any of them, like I have with this guy.

I'm sure his wife's a nice lady, and I don't want to be a homewrecker. I don't want to tell him how I'm feeling in a way that would jeopardize his career (Texas, where I live, has laws against teacher/student relationships, even if there's not a consent issue). I feel terrible thinking about it, because I know what I'm feeling is wrong. How can I stop these emotions? I can't avoid him, as I have his class every day, and it's too late in the trimester to change teachers. Isn't there anything I can do?

Well, hey now, there's no need to be quite so hard on yourself! What you're feeling isn't wrong. Teacher crushes happen, and as long as you don't cross any lines, there's no harm in taking grateful (albeit silent) notice when you happen to end up in a class being taught by a fine, foxy specimen of teacherhood.

But what you're doing, on the other hand... well, that's where things get dicey. Because between minimizing the inappropriateness of this relationship and almost-kinda-arguing in its favor, you appear to be right on the verge of justifying yourself into a big, black, un-scrub-away-able mark on your karma.

Here's the deal: when you have an uncontrollable crush on someone wholly inappropriate, the only thing to do is remove yourself to a safe distance, focus on all the things about him that suck, and wait until your feelings subside. But instead, you're indulging those feelings—and, apparently, so is your teacher! Which is awful! And since he's either an oblivious ninny who doesn't realize his compliments and attentions are being taken flirtatiously, or— more likely—completely aware of your feelings and encouraging them because he likes the ego rush, it's officially on you to do the right thing, act like a grownup, and do your part to shut this crush down.

Like, right now.

So, for starters, please stop looking for reasons not to distance yourself. No matter how special or requited your feelings are, no matter how much you don't think of him as your teacher, he's still your teacher. You need to starve your crush, not feed it—and that means officially accepting that there's absolutely zero chance of a good outcome if you keep on crushin', let alone admitting your feelings out loud. (Seriously, NO NO NO. Don't even think about it.) And hey, if you really care about this guy? Please consider that the longer you let your love for him hang out in the open, the greater his risk of getting in serious, job-losing, family-immolating trouble. Because if someone catches the scent of impropriety wafting from your relationship—and under the circumstances, it's a fair bet that it'll happen sooner or later—then he's the one who'll be really and truly screwed.

The good news: once you really, fully let go of the idea that this crush is destined for anything but disaster, you can refocus all that mental energy on getting over it and moving on—which you do by scaling back on your interactions, focusing on his more unattractive qualities, and distracting yourself as necessary with a replacement crush (or seven) who's not legally and morally off limits. And while it'll be hard at first, it'll get easier every time you look at him and remind yourself that not only is he someone else's husband, but he also hogs the remote control, blows his nose on his socks, and farts like a sweaty buffalo.

Yes, he does.

Have you ever suffered from a teacher crush? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.