Volunteering Etiquette

But hold on there, cowboy! There's more to volunteering than bludgeoning the less fortunate with inedible corn mush. Here are some things to consider before you start volunteering your way to sexy invincibility.

1.) Pick something you actually care about.
Those living-longer statistics only apply if you actually want to be volunteering. If you just blindly throw darts at a list to pick out your volunteering job, and your dart lands on "Volunteer Dart-Thrower," and you're like "Aaargh, but I hate darts!" then you'll see no real longevity benefit over if you had volunteered to lie in your bathtub and weep in the dark. You should like what you're doing, or at least be able to feel like you're accomplishing something positive.

Similarly, learn something about the organization you're working for, to be sure you actually approve of their goals. Otherwise you could find yourself working for a program that rehabilitates wounded animals only to release them at random into the water supply.

2.) Be willing to do the boring stuff.
You should realize that your actual tasks might be less glamorous than what you see in the commercials. Maybe you'll see an ad with a baby polar bear sliding around clumsily on the ice; "He's looking for his parents... BUT THEY'RE DEAD!" the advertisement blares. "Nooo!" you think, and immediately sign up for a job that you can only assume involves hugging a bear cub until it is no longer endangered. And then of course your actual task turns out to involve stapling paperwork vaguely related to emissions standards in an office that smells like a foot.

This is still work that has to be done, of course, or the only remaining baby polar bears will be stuffed trophies in the lairs of Captain Planet villains. Just don't expect that you'll show up and your job will be to dive a Chuck E. Cheese-style ball pit that is instead filled with bear cubs.

3.) Don't get discouraged.
It sometimes turns out, shockingly enough, that the people most in need of help at shelters and soup kitchens are not in a very fantastic mood. When you see those shell-shocked-looking families on the news under the headline LOCAL FAMILY DISPLACED BY FLOOD OF TARANTULAS, they don't usually look like they would become all smiles and cheer if they were handed some soup. Well, some of the people you'll run into have had entire lives that are basically one long inexplicable tarantula attack, so if you go "Here is your delicious soup!! <3" and they fail to acknowledge that you are even alive, don't burst into tears and quit. The feeling that you're helping people is a big reason that lots of people volunteer, but it's best if you can feel that way without actually tapping your foot and waiting around for a hug.

4.) Keep your commitments.
Of course, most people have very positive volunteering experiences. On the off-chance yours doesn't go smoothly, give it another chance, and don't skip out on anything you've committed to. After all, just imagine the impact your absence might have: some sad polar bear cub will tumble down a snowbank, looking for what used to be his polar bear sanctuary, but due to tragically unstapled paperwork, his sanctuary has been jettisoned into the ocean. Then someone builds an oil refinery on top of him.

The moral of the story is that these initiatives do need your help, and sometimes that means doing a lot of menial stuff before they can finally save the Floridian Sludge Frog. Other times it's easier, and all they want is your pants.

Want to do something that requires no adults, no car, and no cash? Get involved with Teens for Jeans!!!