Auntie SparkNotes: Down In The Dumps With The Underpants Caterpillars

Dear Auntie,

Hello there! Before I ask you my question, I'll give you some background on myself, since you'll probably need to know a bit about me to answer my question: I am a teenage girl (ha, that may just be the answer to my question). My father passed away December, 2001. My mom has dated someone since 2007. Her boyfriend and I have had our fair share of differences and fights, but we get along quite well now. I am a fairly stressed out person: I am taking every honors and AP class that I can take this year, I am a rower, and I also play an instrument. I don't get out much -- or sleep much for that matter.

Since my freshman year, I have gotten bouts of sadness (let's not call it depression, since I really have no clue what it is) that last for about four to five days at a time, sometimes more. These gusts of unhappiness are just a general listlessness or apathy unrelated to grief. I've talked to my mom about them, but she seems to relish using terms such as "just" and "only" and "hormones" to explain to me that really, this is no biggie. Now, this could very well be my problem: a ragin' case of the hormone-blues. I have a creeping suspicion, however, that this may not be the case. See, there are various members of my family that have some mental issues, not super-serious-dissociative-identity-disorder-status issues, but no small things either.

My main worry is not that I could have something up with my head (I've always been a little tweaked *eye twitches spasmodically* and I keep fifty caterpillars in my underwear drawer at all times) (not really), but how my mom would react to it. She doesn't react well to situations that don't require Spock-like logic. And this is one of those situations. I've tried talking to her about this, but I guess my methods don't work too well. So, my question is: how do I get my madre to understand that, even if what I'm going through is only hormones, she needs to support me? And also, should I be worried about these frequent cases of the blues?

Hang on there, Sparkler—I'll answer your question in just a moment. But first, I need to finish snugging up my good friend Mister Caterpillar in this lovely, lacy piece of lingerie. (What? You think you're the only person who's realized that your underwear drawer is the perfect environment for bedding down larval butterflies? PLEASE.)

...Okay! And now, about your problem: getting the blues occasionally, and for a few days at a time, isn't necessarily cause for alarm. Human beings aren't happiness machines; we're all in constant flux, and we all get down in the dumps from time to time. And that's fine, just as long as the dumps don't come often, don't last too long, and don't interfere with our ability to work, live, love, and perform turndown service for our underpants caterpillars.

Which, unless I'm misreading your letter, yours don't. Right? And as long as you're happy more often than not, and as long as your bouts with the blues aren't accompanied by loss of appetite, changes in your weight, trouble sleeping, and/or dark nasty thoughts about hurting yourself, your occasional periods of Blah aren't any cause for concern. Because hey, sometimes, life is kind of blah.

So while you can (and should!) keep on monitoring your moods—and, if the dark times start coming more frequently, staying for longer, or getting so intense that they suck all the joy from your life, get yourself a just-in-case screening for depression—chances are that what you're experiencing really is just the usual up-and-down flow of stress, sleep-deprivation, and, yes, hormones.

Which brings me to this: you say that your mom is being unsupportive and doesn't understand. But... well, is that fair? Really? Even when, since it doesn't seem like she has reason for concern, her lack of it isn't a crime or even a mystery? After all, it's not that your mom doesn't care or doesn't listen; it's just that, at the end of the conversation, she tells you that everything's fine. Which, considering all that you've been through, it does kind of sound like it is.

Does this mean you can't be dissatisfied with your level of engagement, or ask her to stop writing off your low moments as "just hormones"? Of course not; in fact, it's always a good idea to let your loved ones know when they're making you feel dismissed and not-listened-to. (Ex: "When you tell me my moods are just hormones, it makes me feel like you think of me as a melodramatic teenage stereotype instead of an actual person.") But rather than writing her off as unable to handle the emotional complexity of your situation, I hope you'll give her enough credit to try a new approach—one where you express your concerns directly, kindly, and with a clear outcome (if you have one) in mind. Want to see a doctor? Ask to. Want a more in-depth response than "It's just hormones"? Say so! Because if better communication is what you're looking for, then giving it is the best way to get it back.

Do your parents get it when you tell them how you're feeling? Or do they just not understaaaaand?! Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.