How to Save Face When You Slip on the Ice

Chances are, we're all going to slip on the ice this winter at least once. I know with certainty that I will fall flat on my face no less than 29 times on various icy surfaces of death. We're all familiar with the sensation: suddenly your boots have no traction, panic explodes in the self-preservation region of your brain, your arms are windmilling wildly, and your facial expression is doing all sorts of weird and unattractive things. People are either staring with their mouths wide open or diving out of the way. It's unpleasant. It's humiliating. And then you're lying there on the ground, faced with the daunting task of getting back up and knowing everyone saw you have a spastic meltdown. If such an event does occur this winter, here's what you can do to save face:

1. Act like you're mortally wounded. No one would dare make fun of someone with a bleeding head wound, right? Pretend to faint, then "regain consciousness" and say things like, "Did I just slip? What's going on? Who's president, anyway?" If there isn't any visible blood to seal the deal, point vaguely at various body parts and yell repeatedly, "IT HURTS!"

2. Act like you did it on purpose. This will be tough to sell, because very rarely do people wipe out and faceplant it on the sidewalk for the fun of it. So you'll have to really commit. Smoothly transition from "hapless victim flailing on the ground" to "breakdancing master equipped with skills people both fear and respect."

3. Act like nothing happened. Resume a standing position and continue the conversation without pausing. If anyone comments, quickly deploy a standard tool of conversation deflection, like the economy, or the tongue twister "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick," or the fact that the University of Florida actually has a plan in case of a zombie attack. (We all know it's only a matter of time.)

4. Point to the nearest onlooker, accuse them of witchcraft, and claim they made you do it. Hey, it worked in The Crucible. (Disclaimer: do not do this if you are generally opposed to causing public scenes and/or looking like a trip to the mental institution just waiting to happen.)

5. Run. Just bolt from the scene. Let's face it, you're not recovering from this one. (In all likelihood, you'll probably slip again. If that's the case, then crawl. Or crabwalk. Be crafty! Do something fun with it!)

We have a sinking feeling that this guide is going to come in realllllly handy this winter. Sigh. Guess we better go strap some pillows to our butts. What do you to to save face when you eat it on the ice?

Related post: Different Ways to Fall Down