Auntie SparkNotes: A Tall Drink of Water

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,
Let's get to the issue: I'm tall. Not like averagely tall, either. I'm a 6'2 sixteen year old girl. With great height comes great awkwardness. What on earth do I say to the people that feel that they have the right to walk up to me in the middle of wherever and remark upon my height? People can be kind of rude sometimes. Once somebody came up to me in a grocery store and told me that I'd better get used to kissing short guys, because I wouldn't be able to find a boyfriend taller than me. Please help me with my sizable problem!

Well, first things first: on behalf of the entire human race, I'd like to apologize for the rudeness, ignorance, and general asshattery you've experienced at the hands of people who haven't learned to put up some sort of filter between their brain's Boneheaded Remark Factory and their big, fat mouth-holes. And, as always, I'm duty-bound to point out that making insulting comments about someone's physical idiosyncrasies is something that people mostly don't do once you get out of high school—which means that your problem will at least partially solve itself come graduation, when you move on into the real world and the jerks dissipate into the jerk ether.

However! While it's totally understandable that you're annoyed at the constant onslaught of "Wow, you're TALL!" comments, here's the thing: most people, even the annoying ones, aren't out to be intentional jerks. And in general, the people who comment on your height aren't doing it to be rude or make you uncomfortable; they're doing it because, as a species, we're conditioned to notice and remark upon extraordinary things.

And you, my dear, are the height (ha! see what I did there?) of extraordinary.

So while this letter certainly calls for a lesson in the non-toleration of dumbass remarks (and we'll get to that part in a second), it could also benefit from some perspective on your part: namely, that since there's no way that people will ever not be awed by the presence of your modelesque silhouette in their midst, you'll have a much easier time if you save your irritation for the actual rudenicks... and find the serenity to shrug off the people who just remark on your height because it's, y'know, remarkable. (And this goes not just for the very tall, but for any person with a noticeable physical difference—including the very short, the very thin, the very one-legged, and the very three-nippled and badger-faced—who'd rather not spend their lives in a constant state of offendedness.)

Or in other words, for the clueless-but-well-meaning folks who blurt out some variation of, "Wow! You're so tall!," skip the pointless anger and just defuse, with a standard one-line response (like, for instance, "Thanks, I hadn't noticed") followed by a change of subject. (And, for repeat offenders, a private request to please stop commenting on your physical appearance; most people will knock it off immediately if they know that it makes you uncomfortable.)

This is a smart approach for two reasons: first, because there's a beautiful freedom (and greatly-lowered blood pressure) to be found in not thinking the worst about the human race, and by giving the non-malicious commenters the benefit of the doubt, you're really giving yourself the gift of a less-stressed existence.

And second, because you—and everyone else—will know that it was well-deserved when you turn to the unsolicited grocery-store insulters of the world, raise your eyebrows, and say, "Wow. You're kind of an a**hole, aren't you?"

Are you very tall? Very short? Very three-nippled and badger-faced? Go on and vent in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.

Related post: The Woes of Being Way Too Tall