Search Menu
Menu

Flyergirl Tackles the Google B's

Flyergirl Tackles the Google B's

Flyergirl13 follows up her first "Google How To's" post with this hilarious gem!—Sparkitors

When you type "how to b" into Google, the majority of the first results involve baking. That is stupid, because Google is a website, not an online Iron Chef. So I'm going to take this one literally and interpret it as "how to be," just so that you don't have to listen to me explain how to bake pumpkin seeds. (Although, if you're wondering, it involves flamethrowers, your sister's left shoe, and three microwaves (because you'll likely ruin the first two)).

How to Be a Gentleman

I assume it's mostly guys typing this question into Google. But girls, just in case you're wondering, the first step to being gentlemanly is being manly. Accomplish that, then we'll work on the gentle part.

Now, for the Manklers: Since most guys already have the "man" part down pat, I'll skip to the "gentle" part.  Dictionary.com defines this as "kindly and amiable."  That doesn't sound too hard, does it?  Be kind and amiable, and definitely avoid punching the crap out of people. Also, all gentlemen must carry canes, wear fedoras, drink tea with a pinky stuck out, and master the art of the wink.  Sultry winking, now that's gentlemanly.

How to Be Happy

Many people will shower you with cliches like "do what you love" and "be optimistic" and all sorts of empty advice that won't really help you. But here's a secret that will make you happy all the time: Smile. I mean it. Plaster a stupid, crazy, dumb grin on your face, and leave it there 24/7. Believe me, it's very near impossible to be sad or mad when you're sitting there grinning like there's no tomorrow.

Plus, it freaks people out when you smile too long. I don't know about you, but creeping strangers out can really put me in a good mood.

How to Be a Good Kisser

Speaking as an NBK, I'd say practice makes perfect. I'm also pretty sure there's something with your tongue involved...maybe?  Your best bet is probably to hire Ryan Gosling to test out these theories.

Just kidding. No, seriously, stop that! Back away slowly. Traumatizing Ryan is not the way to go. Please step away and go smooch your hand, if you must.

RYAN, COME BACCCKKKKKKKK! What other how to's would you love for Flyergirl to cover?

Related post: Flyergirl Takes on the Google How To's

Topics: Life, The Internets
Tags: google, funny things, how to, flyergirl tells you how, tips

Write your own comment!