Auntie SparkNotes: Makeouts 101

Dear Auntie,
I've decided I have no shame by asking you what I'm about to ask you. Because I am that cool. Long story short, my boyfriend of two weeks and I had our first make out session. (Please note neither of us had made out with anyone before in our lives. Insert awkwardness here.) He quite enjoyed himself, but I... well, I actually kept thinking in the middle of it, "I need to talk to Auntie about this".

Whenever people talk about PDA and couples eating each other's faces, I'm always like, "oh you're exaggerating". I now know what it's like to get my face eaten. There was lots of sucking, biting, and tongue. Boy, was there tongue. I felt awkward about the whole situation, before, during, and after. So I have a few basic questions for my naïve mind.

Is there supposed to be that much face eating or am I just new to this? How long should a make out session last (ours was over an hour...)? How do you end it? And one more really awkward question: there were noises from our lips and such -- are there supposed to be noises? It would be very much appreciated if you could help one awkward girl with her awkward boyfriend in her awkward relationship.

Of course I will! But first, I'm going to give you a standing ovation for a) having amazing makeout stamina, and b) giving me an excuse to use the words "face eating" professionally.

FACE EATING!

And the good news is, you're really okay. Really! Making out is always awkward when you're new at it—or doing it with a new person—but that doesn't mean you're doing it wrong; in fact, there's really no wrong way to do it. HOWEVER! While there's a broad range of makeout activities that fall under the flexible heading of Acceptable On The Basis Of Personal Taste, a good rule of thumb is that, in general, there should be some discernible differences between the experience of making out and the experience of being attacked by a rabid zombie.

Which is to say, at the conclusion, neither party should be drenched head-to-toe in saliva and/or missing his lips entirely.
And also, you should be able to sit back, look back on the past hour (or two hours, or fifteen minutes) and think, "That was fun!"

So while practice makes perfect when it comes to getting your snog on, and while you and your SO most likely will (if you haven't already) naturally settle into a mutually agreeable makeout oeuvre the more you lock lips, you do need to be open and honest in the unlikely event that one does something that the other doesn't like. And for you, assuming that your guy hasn't scaled back on the eating of face, the next round of overzealous tongue action should prompt a polite, friendly suggestion on your part that he take it down a notch.

HOW TO DO THIS: Draw back a couple inches, put a hand on his chest, and say, "Let's slow this down a little," or "This is lovely, but could you please not bite me?"
HOW NOT TO DO THIS: Leap up from the couch and scream, "AUUUUUUGH! You kiss like a RABID BADGER!"

That said, those are pretty much the only rules; the great thing about making out is that really, there's no "should" or "shouldn't" or "right" or "wrong." There's just what you like, and what he likes, and that sweet spot in the middle where your preferences overlap. (Although if you feel really lost and just want a real step-by-step directive on how to kiss, we do actually have one.)

So, how long should it last? As long as you both want it to. How do you end it? You stop—whenever you want to stop... or when you fall asleep mid-snog, or when you say, "I've got to go home/to class/to the bathroom," give him a final smooch or two, and then start the lengthy process of disentangling your limbs and/or recovering any, er, wayward items of clothing.

Oh, and the noises are unavoidable. But that's okay! Because they're kind of funny!

Got any personal pointers on the making of out for our letter-writer? Leave 'em in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.

Related post: Auntie SparkNotes: The Making of Out