We’ve all taken our SO or BFF for granted, snubbed them one too many times, or even just said that thing about their mom that we all know is true but we’re not supposed to bring up in public (>coughcough<). The damage is done and now they’re steamed. So, how does one get back into the good graces of another without digging the hole even deeper? Here are a few tried and true tricks of the trade that work every time:
1) Sit yourself down, take a moment, and figure out what you did wrong. Maybe this sounds like a no-brainer, but most of the time when people apologize for being a jerk, they aren’t really apologizing for what they did. They just want to be off the hook for feeling bad. If you threw your friend’s chicken salad sandwich out of the canoe you guys were in while paddling across Old Man Tibbits’ pond in the middle of the night, don’t say something like “I’m sorry you were mad that I threw your sandwich in Old Man Tibbits’ pond.” ACTUALLY apologize for the ACTUAL thing you did.
2) Do it in person. Be a man! Or WOman. Suck it up, throw some cold pudding in your face, and go see the apologizee in person. Just like there’s nothing more impersonal than a break up via email, text or, God forbid, Twitter, the impact of a really meaningful apology just won’t hit home unless you’re right there, staring them in the eye. To lessen the intensity, take the other person somewhere public, like a restaurant or a zoo. That way, if they don’t accept your apology and completely lose it on you, you can release the orangutans and you’ll have an instant primate posse. And believe me, you don’t want to mess with an angry orangutan. I know.
3) Don’t make this about you. You’ve bought yourself a one-way ticket on the Selfless Time Express. Next stop: The Other Person… ‘board! We’re only human, and by design we tend to LOVE talking about ourselves. Everything comes back to number one. Except this time. If you want this slice of humble pie to be filling, you must make a concerted effort to keep the focus on the other person. Keep those relevant anecdotes about how the same thing happened to your Aunty Patrice last year to yourself. This will make it clear to the other person that you’re there for them, and not you.
4) Don’t do it again! Seriously. Don’t be an idiot. This one sounds the easiest, but is oftentimes the most difficult. It seems that we always hurt the ones we love. Mostly because we’re way too comfortable with them. Once we get comfortable with those closest to us, our filters get set to low and we start farting before they leave the room. It’s a good idea to do a little check-in with yourself every once in a while. Ask yourself “If I was behaving this way around this person during the first week that they knew me, would they ever speak to me again?” If the answer is no, put down the Easy Cheese, pull up your pants, get off of the roof, and go back to number one.
How did you apologize for the last jerky thing you did?
Related post: How To Apologize
Topics: Life
Tags: relationships, friendships, friends, apologies
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