Operation Christmas: Don't Get Caught!

Catch up on Elodie's latest Christmas escapades right here!—Sparkitors

Picture this: the Smith family discovers yet another gift on their porch, appearing seemingly from midair. They howl, both deeply impressed and incredibly frustrated.

"How?" they scream. "How do they DO it? How do they drop off presents at all hours of the day without our noticing? Without any of the NEIGHBORS noticing? How? HOW? They must be masters in the art of evasive maneuvering and stealth!"

Now cut to Jaclyn, Keira, and myself, said masters in the art of evasive maneuvering and stealth, doing very conspicuous donuts on the ice in an empty parking lot. (We did so while eating actual donuts, which was the real draw. Clearly it doesn't take much to amuse us.) Finally the novelty wore off (read: we ate the last of the donuts) and Keira said, "We should probably go do it now," to general agreement. My point? We didn't really have a carefully constructed plan of evasive maneuvering. We changed cars and tried to switch up the person who actually dropped off the present, but that was it. More often than not, we flew by the seat of our pants. We did donuts in empty parking lots until it was dark so we could do the deed under the cover of night.

I was at the wheel. Keira was in the passenger seat with Jaclyn holding onto the present in the back. I turned onto the Smiths' road, and we immediately looked to their house. A lit Christmas tree was visible from the street. Mr. Smith was watching TV, his back to the window.

"Crap," breathed Jaclyn.

"No, we can do this," Keira said, unbuckling her seatbelt because she's a badass and fears nothing. "Give me the present."

The tension was palpable as I slowly eased up to the curb. I momentarily forgot, however, that it was winter in Michigan and the roads tended to be ICY. So I hit the brakes, and the car gave this great GHRRRRHCHHHH sound like a lawnmower on the fritz. Jaclyn yelled, "Ice! Crap! Damn! Look out! Mailbox!" and Keira shouted, "I AM DOING THIS!" and flung open the door before I had gotten the car under control. With the door open, the inside of the car was immediately flooded with light, and Jaclyn said, "He can see us!" and I said, "GET DOWN, GET DOWN!" and Jaclyn said, "Let's book it!" and I said, "What about Keira?" and Jaclyn, who was by now just two fries short of a Happy Meal, yelled, "FORGET ABOUT KEIRA, IT'S EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!"

I was crouched under the wheel, trying to hide, but I still awkwardly reached over and smacked Jaclyn. It didn't matter; Keira was already sprinting back down the driveway, having left the present on the porch. She hit an icy patch and slid the last several feet, crashing into my car with an almighty sound like an explosion. She finally hurtled into the passenger seat, and I slammed my foot on the accelerator before the door was even closed. The whole ordeal ended with me fishtailing conspicuously all over the road. I pictured half the neighborhood with their faces pressed against their windows, thus ending our reign as the masters of evasive maneuvering and stealth.

Jaclyn looked back. "No way... he's still watching TV! We pulled it off! We are the champions!"

And so we all bellowed "We Are the Champions" as we cruised through town that night. If you're curious, day four ("four colly birds") was this gorgeous centerpiece plate with cardinals on it. Day five ("five golden rings") was a variety of gold jewelry. Day six ("six geese a-laying") was a box with six Cadbury Creme Eggs. Day seven "(seven swans a-swimming") was The Black Swan on DVD, along with popcorn and a box of cookie dough bites from the movie theater.

We are mere DAYS away from Christmas, Sparklers! We can make it! We can do this! I'm bouncing off the walls with excitement! I've baked cookies and wrapped presents and now I've got to go deliver day eight to the Smith family ("eight maids a-milking"), which contains Milk Duds and a variety of milk chocolate, so wish me luck!

What do you think Elodie and her gang of merry dweebs will leave on Day 12? Got any suggestions for her?

Related post: Operation Christmas!