Dear Jono,
Basically, I am an English girl living in England, where things are nice and English. I've recently found out that my family and I are going to be relocating to America this coming summer, meaning I will be going to an American high school straight from my British all-girls' school. I'M TERRIFIED! Whilst SparkLife has been somewhat helpful in trying to find out what my new school will be like, all I've really found out is that girls have lots of guy problems, guys have lots of girl problems, and Americans really love Disney. I was wondering if you could give me an insight into what I should expect—is it really like the movies? How should I act? Will I be welcomed? What's the culture of school like? How many times will I be asked to say "water"?
TL;DR answers: everyone has lots of everyone problems, but they are vastly overstated; absolutely nothing is like any movies; act like yourself; and in all likelihood you will be mistakenly issued a Ph.D for how you pronounce "water."
In-depth answer: OH MY GOODNESS I can actually answer this question. Normally I am just a bumbling disaster doing my best to conceal my disastrous bumbling, but for once, I feel informed. I actually spent a year in Wales, at the University of Aberystwyth, which was both unpronounceable and devoid of Welsh people. I met as many Welsh kids (2) as I did Scottish kids (2); everyone else was English. I even spent Christmas break with my friend and his girlfriend at her proper English household, where I dramatically misunderstood the function of silverware, responded to every single question with nervous yelping laughter, and generally acted like a oafish Yank while everyone else was going "Oh how droll, nyah nyah," and nibbling their caviar. I don't know why they sounded like Draculas; my memory may be inaccurate. But I digress. The point is that I might actually be able to help. First, though, some general observations.
1.) School culture is basically the same everywhere.
I've gone to college in two states, lived in a college town in a third, and studied in Wales, and at no point was I like "Oh no, everyone here turns into Medusas after dark!! Why didn't anyone tell me??" The experience was always fundamentally the same. Sure, different things are popular in different places—your yachting skills may be less respected in Shotgun Junction than they were in Whitford-on-Snootington—but everyone has relationship problems, nobody really gets how guys/girls work yet, and if you make an effort to be a likeable person, you will probably be liked.
"But Jono, b-b-boys!" you are probably saying. And yes, that will probably be a little weird for you, but it's not like they're going to start hip-thrusting at your face while you're trying to do calculus ("I've got your squeeze theorem right here, heh heh.") I'm sure that, even going to an all-girls school, you can run into boys at Tesco without going "Ohh, my medication!" and fainting. Well, from their perspective, having you in their classes will be just as casual and unremarkable as any other day-to-day interaction. Granted, there will be school dances and stuff, but for a lot of kids who have gone to coed schools their whole lives, these still consist of awkwardly bumping into each other and finally bursting into tears, so you won't be out of place.
2.) People will notice, but not loathe, that you are different.
I won't lie: the fact that you are English is going to come up from time to time. When you say "whinge," people will look at you as if you just shouted "Bees!" But people are always going to notice the new person, at least until she isn't new anymore, and besides, you have a pretty awesome difference to work with; Americans innately trust your accent. If we hear a news report that bunnies cause cancer, we'll be like "Pssh, what a bunch of baloney!" and shoot our TVs with one of our many handguns. If an English person tells us the same thing, we will throw all our bunnies right in the garbage.
3.) There will be jerks; ignore them.
Everywhere on Earth, there are people who want to punch things that are different until they are less different. I don't want to get you worried that someone will tell you to go back to England and hit you with a wrench, but if someone really wants to get up in your grill, your obvious difference will be the first thing (s)he points out. All I can tell you is to pay no attention to these people, because they are horrible and no one likes them.
That concludes my vaguely universal advice. Here are some things specifically for Brits:
- When we say "football," we mean football, not football, which we hate. When we say "baseball," we essentially mean "cricket;" a sport with baffling, arcane rules that everyone tries to pretend isn't fatally boring.
- Lots of words mean something innocuous in your dialect but horrible in ours. SparkLife prohibits me from using examples, but look up the differences before you try to communicate "Yum, I would fancy one of those cupcakes!" and what we hear is "Minorities are awful, and I'll take off my pants for money!"
- Our standards and practices in entertainment are the opposite of yours. Over here, you can make a TV show about a serial killer who collects orphan brains, but if you show a butt you're going to jail.
- If you want biscuits, asks for cookies. If you want crisps, ask for chips. If you want Marmite, ask for a jar of poisonous ooze.
Any other advice for our British Sparkler?
Related post: 10 People Who Should Have British Accents
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