This One's for the Manklers: Things You Should NEVER Say to a Girl

sa401064 is about to drop some VERY important knowledge on you, dudes. LISTEN UP.—Sparkitors

'Ello, Manklers of the internet! I'm willing to bet that you've all had the following experience: you ask your girl friend a seemingly harmless question, and she suddenly morphs from your good o'l buddy into a defensive, angry, emotion-monster. "What just happened?" you ask yourself, scratching your Mankler head as your gal pal storms off. Well, I'm here to explain what happened, so that you never have to go through this again.

Here's an example of a scenario that may have left you beffudled in the past:

Guy: Hey, you're getting three tacos for lunch?! Awesome! Want me to pile on some bean dip, too?
Girl: No! I mean, these aren't for me...I mean, I'm not going to eat these! Gross! Whatever! *She drops her tray and runs out of the cafeteria*
Guy: Whattttttt?

Right now, you Manklers are probably totally confused. Here's my take on what happened:
This girl is self-conscious about her weight and is really sensitive about her diet. So when the guy jokingly called attention to what she was eating, her insecurity took over, and instead of laughing it off, she became super embarrassed. Got it? So, rule number 1: unless you're BEST BUDS with a girl and really comfortable around each other, steer clear of jokes, comments, and questions about her eating habits, her diet, or her weight. Just a general no-no, dudes.

My next point: Sometimes, us girls just don't want to talk to ANYONE. We want to lock ourselves in a closet and read Ella Enchanted or listen to our iPod for 2 hours, singing our hearts out to that one sad Adele song. This is a really stressful time in our lives, guys; one minute, we're skipping down a hallway, floating on cloud 9, and the next, we're in the bathroom, sobbing and hysterical. So take it from me: here are 6 questions you should never, EVER ask if your girlfriend or female pal seems to be in a bad mood (and even if they're in a good mood, you should probably try to avoid them, unless you want to deal with massive volacanic eruptions of sadness, frustration, and seething fury).

1. Why did you take so long while I was waiting for you outside the bathroom?
That question is to be totally deleted from the conversations you have with your girl and your gal friends. Get it? Got it? Good. moving on...

2. Why is there a red stain on your pants?
That question is to be asked by girl friends ONLY. DO NOT INVOLVE YOURSELF. I PROMISE YOU, IT'S NOT WORTH THE EMBARRASSMENT. Unless the girl is like your sister or something. Your choice. Awkward convo, or let the girls' close friends throw her a pity party. I suggest the latter.

3. Why do you always wear your hair that way?
Dude, no. You're going to make her self-conscious and worried that her hair is boring and unattractive.

4. Can you tell me about your ex-boyfriend? I'd like to get to know him better.
If you even CONSIDER asking that question, I need to pull you aside and slap you.

5. Any question about her weight.
Your only job when it comes to body image/shape is to reassure us that you like us just the way we are.

6. Why do you eat so much?
NO. NO. NO. NOOOOOOOOOO.

I hope I have taught you some valuable lessons, Manklers. And for any critics out there who think my list is missing something, please comment with suggestions to help our boys out! Thanks for reading!

What do you think, Sparklers: do these questions rub you the wrong way? Do you have any questions you'd like to add (or delete) from the list? Come on, the Manklers need all the help they can get!

Related post: A Guide for Manklers: How to Talk to Your Girlfriend