Auntie SparkNotes: Yes, She Wants Your Boyfriend

Dear Auntie,

So my boyfriend is a freshmen in college, and I'm a junior in high school. I have little doubt about his fidelity and don't believe he would ever cheat on me. This, however, doesn't stop me from getting a little bit jealous at times. I can admit when I'm being unfairly or unnecessarily jealous, but at the current moment I think I'm entirely in the right to be jealous.

Here's what happened: A couple weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were just chilling when he got a text from a girl asking him to play Xbox, to which he replied "I'm hanging out with my girlfriend". I honestly didn't really care at this point -- he can have girl friends, why shouldn't he be able to play video games with a friend? -- but then she responded "So...no? Ohhhhkay then...". Uh, what right does she have to get pissed at MY boyfriend for not seeing her while he's hanging out with me? And then today I got on Facebook and saw a status from my boyfriend on my News Feed. It read "[This chick] needs to give me my hat back". It was the same Xbox girl. So apparently she stole his hat? She replied with a flirty little comment about how it was hers now and she was keeping it forever.

Excuse me, but is stealing a guy's hat not the biggest, oldest flirting trick in the book? And is it not obvious that she's flirting? He told her he has a girlfriend, so why is she still flirting? And why is he playing her stupid little flirty games? It's the same kind of flirty Facebook stuff that went on with us before we were dating ten months ago. I really don't want to start anything with him because I wholeheartedly believe he wouldn't cheat on me, and I'm a classy girl, therefore I don't get into Facebook fights with random girls, but I think that this chick needs reminding that you don't steal other girl's boyfriends hats and flirt with them hopelessly. I really wish to have no drama, but I don't want this girl to think its okay to flirt with guys who are taken. What should I do Auntie? Ignore the situation and pretend like it doesn't exist? Politely comment and remind her that he has a girlfriend? Set a pack of ravenous wolverines after her scent?

Hmmmmm. Well, okay! Just for the sake of argument, let's say that you're absolutely, completely, dead-on-balls correct: this girl is totally and transparently trying to mack on your boyfriend. And yes, it's extremely obvious. And yes, it makes her look desperate and sad.

...Er, wait a minute. And we give a damn about this... why?

Because for all your intense focus on the girl who wants your boyfriend, her behavior actually makes zero difference to the state of your relationship. If your boyfriend is committed to you, then he'll be impervious to her incessant flirting and she'll just look pathetic. And if he isn't impervious... well, that would be awful! But y'know whose fault it would be?

I'll give you a hint: not hers.

Basically, it doesn't matter if this girl—or a hundred girls!—show up naked at your boyfriend's door bearing baked goods, video games, and party favors; your contract is with him, not them, and the responsibility for not-cheating is his, not theirs. So if this girl causes a rift between you, he's the one who deserves the blame. And it's a good thing, too, because concerning yourself with the loyalty of one person is a whole lot easier than concerning yourself with the behavior of every other woman in the world—and as long as that one person is someone you trust, you can rest easy, be confident, and observe the flagrant flirting of your would-be competitors for the hilarious spectacle that it is.

So we're good! I mean, considering that you're completely, utterly confident that he'd never do anything to compromise your relationship.

...Only you're not. Right? Because even if we go back to your letter and peel away every single line of unnecessary concern over the lures of other ladies, there's still this little gem of a query:

And why is he playing her stupid little flirty games?

Well, hey! Good question! Because why, indeed?! And rather than issuing a territorial reminder to the general female population about your guy's non-single status (which will only make you look crazy and insecure), you're better off addressing this with the person who actually matters. Because while your boyfriend's flirtatious friend is welcome to throw herself at unavailable guys all she wants, it's his reaction to her that's got you worried.

So, next time you're in touch with him, just bring it up—casually, and with full confidence that you and your guy are on the same team.

RIGHT: "I can't help noticing that [flirty girl's name] seems to have a thing for you. Have you said anything to her about it? Because I know she's not a threat to our relationship, but she's coming on so strong that I'm kinda wondering if *she* knows it."

WRONG: "Who the $#@% is that CHEESE-EATING WHORE?!!!!"

And then, pay close attention—because what happens next should tell you all you need to know. If your boyfriend blinks in a surprised way and says, "Really? I had no idea!," then you can relax. If he admits that he's noticed and/or tried to discourage her, you can suggest that he issue a more direct request that she tone it down (or, if she can't be more respectful of his coupled-up status, distance himself). And if he gets super-defensive, calls you ridiculous, and accuses you of being jealous and crazy... well, then, you've got a problem.

Hint: it's not her.

How do you handle your jealousy when somebody sets sights on your SO? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.

Related post: Auntie SparkNotes: Hey, Jealousy!