Maybe your boyfriend is tired of getting Chapstick every year (but it’s cherry flavored! Get it? It’s for kissing!) or your mom’s smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes anymore when you proudly hand over another pair of homemade sock puppets—whatever the reason, you’ve decided that gift-wise, you've got to bring out the BIG GUNS this holiday season. And the only way to do that is with a spectacularly geeky update of the original Twelve Days of Christmas. Think STYLE. Think PIZZAZZ. Think WAY TOO MANY MENTIONS OF STAR WARS. This, my friends, is how the nerds do it. And anyone who disagrees will be frozen in carbonite.
On the first day of Christmas: You need to start with a bang to get the ball rolling. To get the pokeball rolling. Ha. Haha.
Gift: A homemade pokeball. GET IT NOW? BECAUSE I SAID TO GET THE POKEBALL ROLLING…never mind. Anyway, to make this gift festive, purchase a shiny silver Christmas ornament and color it to look like a pokeball. OH MY GOSH, it’s realistic and versatile!
On the second day of Christmas: Twelve days is a lot of days. Your gift recipient could get very bored without the right entertainment!
Gift: A really long and mentally taxing book. Crime and Punishment is always a good choice. Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like nihilism, murder, and selfless prostitutes!
On the third day of Christmas: It’s time to show that you’re a thoughtful individual. What’s something EVERYONE needs? Body wash! “But Megan,” you say with that shiny, beautiful face of yours, “Body wash isn’t nerdy.” Au contraire.
Gift: I know. There aren’t words.
On the fourth day of Christmas: Show off your fun side with a game! Surprise them with a maaagical adveeeenture!
Gift: Draw a map of Hogwarts. Make sure to title it “The Marauder’s Map” and label a few dots for people. Then tell your giftee that you’ve hidden their dog in the Room of Requirement. Shake with silent laughter as they desperately search for Spot, because THE MAP DOESN’T SHOW THE ROOM OF REQUIREMENT, HAHAHAHAHA!
On the fifth day of Christmas: You have impeccable taste in literature and life in general, and you know that your giftee does as well. What better present than a chance to light something dumb on fire?
Gift: Wrap two packages. In the first, a copy of Twilight. In the second, a gallon of gasoline and a lighter. And a baseball bat for good measure. Attach a note reading, “You know what to do.”
On the sixth day of Christmas: This is one of those homemade gifts that will be sure to last for years.
Gift: Record yourself singing some of your favorite Christmas carols, only do it in character voices. Mario singing “Jingle Bells”? I have chills just thinking about it. You could even throw in some Legend of Zelda here and sing “Silent Night” as Link! Your giftee will totally understand why you gave them a CD of you grunting and yelling “Yaaaaahhh!” over and over!
On the seventh day of Christmas: You’re probably getting tired, but you can’t give up yet! Give yourself the gift of an easy present, in preparation for the more difficult days ahead.
Gift: A stick. Yell “IT’S A WAND” before your gift recipient can ask. When he/she continues to stare at you blankly, yell some more. “I’m TIRED, okay? IT’S REALLY HARD TO KEEP YOU HAPPY.” Have a deep emotional talk about your needs. The real gift here? An improved relationship.You’re welcome.
On the eighth day of Christmas: It’s time for another creative Christmas gift! This present is sure to be a crowd pleaser because who doesn’t like hanging posters in their room?? NO ONE, that’s who.
Gift: Design a movie poster. It can be anything you want. Personally, I mushed some of my favorites together to create the best movie ever.
On the ninth day of Christmas: Play the Hunger Games!
Gift: Set up an extremely deadly arena and lock your giftee in it. Well. This might not actually be such a good gift idea. Maybe you could just promise to take them to the movie when it comes out.
On the tenth day of Christmas: Who doesn’t like unicorns?! ANYONE?! That’s what I thought.
Gift: A box of stuffed unicorn toys. This is normal, you guys. People have unicorn toys. Normal people. See? They love each other!
On the eleventh day of Christmas: You need to show your gift recipient that you care. That you really, really, reeeeally care. And what better way to show your affection than a zombie survival kit?
Gift: Zombie survival kit. Include rations, shotgun, ammunition, baseball bat (unless you already gave it with the Twilight present—you thinker, you!), extra gasoline, matches, candles, blankets, and running shoes. Be sure to write up a detailed survival plan as well.
On the twelfth day of Christmas: Now, this is a toughy. It’s got to be big. It’s got to be grand. It’s got to say everything you’ve ever wanted to say, only words have never been enough. There’s really only one thing to do.
Gift: A spaceship. You know, like the Millenium Falcon. Something that can make the Kessel run in under twelve parsecs. If you don’t have access to a real spaceship, you can always build one. That’s what cardboard boxes and imagination are for.
Merry Christmas, fellow nerdlings!
This may be the greatest gift guide ever made. That movie poster KILLED us. Will you be celebrating the 12 days of NERD Christmas this year?
PS. If you like dorky, hilarious stuffs, then you will LOVE Megan's blog. Go read it. Now.
Related post: Cute Christmas!
Topics: Life, Cute Christmas
Tags: harry potter, nerds, gifts, star wars, christmas, funny things, gift guides, nerdy things, geeky things
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