Why are you reading this when you should be camped out in the library cramming calculus data and Russian history factoids into your brain? Final exams are no laughing matter. You need to be studying! If you are reading this, that means either you don’t care about your future, or you think you’re really smart. Either way, here are some important questions to prove to us that you’re ready for Finals Week. If you can answer these, then you have nothing to worry about.
1. What time zone is it at the exact center of the earth? And if you commit a crime in the exact center of the earth, which nation’s prison would you go to?
2. If it’s true that “whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” and that motto originated in Vegas, how do we all know about it?
3. Did the first two people to ever fist-bump do it intentionally, or was it some sort of high-five gone horribly wrong?
4. If you use the tattoo removal process on skin where there is no tattoo, what would happen? If you answer “Invisible Skin,” please draw a picture of what you’d see.
5. In the game of Duck Duck Goose, why are the ducks so lazy? Follow up: What’s so bad about being a goose that you’d want to change your entire DNA? And if a goose sits down, why is it suddenly considered a duck?
6. Why aren’t sandwiches served with the potato chips already inside them?
7. When a meteorologist says there’s a 30% chance of rain, what makes up the other 70% of possibilities, and do these possibilities include events such as hidden volcanoes, all the air turning into metal, a thousand years of darkness caused by sorcery, and perverted wind?
8. What is the plural of “octopus” and what is the fastest way to kill them?
9. What is the best way to describe milk? A: Fancy water B: Thing C: Not a potato D: Small.
10. I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing the letter A. What will you bring?
11. Trophy is to basketball as buoyancy is to ________?
12. Whatever happened to Meg Ryan?
13. Finish this sentence: If I could replace my teeth with the tiny heads of action figures, I would choose the following characters: ______.
14. Of the two words “read” and “read,” which one did you pronounce as “red” and which one did you pronounce as “reed”? Don’t you dare lie to me.
15. Why is chocolate pudding part of the salad bar?
16. Which Muppet is better than Sam the Eagle?
17. If you’re riding a bicycle going 10 mph on top of a train traveling 120 mph, and the train suddenly stops but you keep going, what will happen? Prove it by making a full-scale reenactment.
18. Describe the future of Rupert Grint’s career using four words and a number.
19. After three games of “Rock, Paper, Scissors” in which I lost by throwing Rock, Rock, and Paper, what are the chances that the fourth game will end with me saying, “This is dumb. Let’s watch Spider-Man 2”?
20. What the hell does the grasshopper insect have to do with the flavor of mint?
Leave your answers in the 'mments!
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