Auntie SparkNotes: DTR ASAP!

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,
I've been "in like" with the same guy for the past 2 years. We hang often, have delightfully intellectual conversations, and he walks me all the way home every day-- even when its raining despite the fact that we passed his house 6 blocks ago. His parents adore me, and I am close friends with his younger sister and brother. I've gone to synagogue with them [he's Jewish] and spend most of the major Jewish holidays at his house.

All of our friends either a) want us to date or b) think we're already together. I don't know what the problem is. Its the perfect atmosphere for a romance to bloom. Right?? I'd like to make it clear that we aren't dating, but I want to be. After all--we basically are anyway. BUT--I need to know for sure. I talked to a friend and she had 3 letters for me: DTR [the horror!]. How do you even do it? I'm absolutely terrified. No one has had any useful advice for me, because apparently their transition from "not dating" to "dating" happened overnight. Relationship limbo is no fun and I'd love to end it. How should I initiate the "relationship talk"? And when is the right time to have it?

Oooh, that is tricky! Because as countless Hollywood movies have taught us, the right time to have the relationship talk is at that pivotal moment when one or both of you is about to be murdered by hostile alien invaders, a marauding band of pirates, and/or a herd of angry bears! So before you do anything else, you'll need to orchestrate a situation in which death is imminent... and then, of course, make a spectacular escape fueled by the power of your newfound love. Also, you have to have this conversation:

Your crush: (wide-eyed and panting) That was so scary! I thought we were going to die!
You: (covered in small bloody pieces of bear/pirate/alien and holding a huge gun) But we couldn't die, baby. We just found something worth living for.

AND CUT!

...But if that's too complicated, then alternately, you could just broach the subject during your next opportune moment of alone time; that daily walk home together should do the trick nicely.

And when it comes to how you DTR, it's less about what you say than it is about working up the nerve to say it. Because even when you're totally confident about the outcome—or, as in your case, when you don't know for sure but things are looking undeniably good—you're still putting yourself out there and taking a risk. Honestly: it's going to be terrifying. But if you feel yourself chickening out, remind yourself that the alternative is a potentially-endless stint in the relationship limbo you hate so much. And even if the unthinkable happens and he rejects you (unlikely, but—for the sake of your dignity—something you should still be prepared for) you'll be better off knowing than not. Because at the end of the day, it's always better to adjust your expectations and enjoy your friendship for what it is than to stay uninformed, in the dark, and hoping for an outcome that was never a possibility to begin with.

And as for what to say, here's your plan: the next time you're alone with your crush, take a deep breath, and hike up your Confidence Pants, and proceed as follows:

"I know we've never talked about this before, but I have to ask: are we, like, just friends? Or is something else going on, here?"

Or, for the less bold: "So, do you... y'know, like anyone?"

Or, for the EXTREMELY bold: "So tell me, [crush's name]—how come you've never tried to kiss me?"

And that's it; you'll have started the conversation! And once you've started it, all you have to do is keep having it, until you reach a mutual agreement as to your dating status. (Don't worry, it shouldn't take more than a few back-and-forths to figure out where you're at.)

Just beware: if the classic films of the 1940s are any indication, using that last line may cause you to skip the relationship convo entirely in favor of immediate, furious snogging.

Have you ever DTRed? Share your story in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.

Related post: Auntie SparkNotes: How to DTR When You're IDK