Auntie SparkNotes: By Any Other Name

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,

I have a little problem. For the past month and a half, I have been dating a really great girl, "Amy." Everything has been going fine, except for the fact that "Amy" doesn't like her first name.

All of her friends and acquaintances know that, and call her just by her last name. I knew that that was her nickname before I started dating her, but never really called her that. And now I'm stuck. At first the problem didn't really come up, because, I mean, you don't always have to call a person by their first name when you are standing right next to them. But there are times, unfortunate times, in my case, when I do have to use my girlfriend's name in casual conversation. Whenever these situations come up, I can't bring myself to call her by her last name. It just makes me feel really weird- it sounds so impersonal, or something. I don't know. So I use her first name, but that is awkward as well, considering I know she doesn't like it. Sometimes she'll tell me not to use her first name in a kinda-joking-kinda-not way. She never gets mad at me, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable all the time. I've tried to bring it up that I don't really want to call her by her last name, but she just tells me she hates her first one. I really like this girl and don't want something silly like this to get between us.

You don't? Er... okay! I mean, of course you don't! It's just that, despite not wanting to let the name issue come between you, you're pretty much doing everything in your power to make sure that it does come between you. Is it a silly issue? Sure. Should it be such a big deal? Eh, maybe not. But dude, at the end of the day, you're still blowing right past your girlfriend's explicitly-expressed wishes in order to call her a name you know she hates. Any way you slice it, that's kind of a jerk move.

So, first things first: cross her first name off the menu. (Seriously, stop using it. She shouldn't have to ask you again.)

And then, here's the deal: if you honestly can't bring yourself to use her last name, you've got a few other options, which we'll get to in a second. But before you go casting about for alternatives, please a) step away from the computer, b) toss off a sincere "Sorry" for being dismissive of her feelings, and c) spend at least a week making a real, concerted effort to call her by the name she prefers. It's only polite. And while it might be awkward at first, try to realize that it's anything but impersonal; after all, this is what she's called by the people she cares about the most.

That said, if you really try, and you really can't, then your options are as follows. You can either:

a) substitute a term of endearment where you'd ordinarily call her by name (for instance, "babe," "sweetie," or "Darlingpants McDumpling"). Or,

b) come up with a new nickname, one that feels more natural to you than her last name but that she doesn't mind being called. And honestly, this could be anything—a shortened version of her last name, a riff on her place of birth or favorite food, or, of course, "Darlingpants McDumpling."

Under the circumstances, I'd probably go for B. In which case, the bad news is that you're still in for some serious awkwardness. The first few days of trying to get a brand-new nickname going are always weird and uncomfy, at least until you both get used to it. The good news: having a special name for your ladyfriend is one of those cute couple-y things that helps build intimacy, and it might even be something you'd have wanted to do anyway. So sit down, brainstorm a few ideas, and let 'em rip.

Oh, but if you do go the New Nickname route, let her know that you're doing it so she can veto any monikers she seriously hates.

Like, say, Darlingpants McDumpling.

Do you have a nickname you like better than your real name? Is it Darlingpants McDumpling?! Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.

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