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You Know You've Been Studying for Too Long When...

You Know You've Been Studying for Too Long When...

By Scott Greenstone

The Dark Lord extending his evil reign on your brain this month? His name be-ith Finals. Finals the Dreaded One. The only way to defeat him is to study, and you’ve been spending more time studying than, perhaps, you should. But how do you know when you’ve been studying for too long? Take this quick test and find out!

You woke up with a response to Obama’s “A More Perfect Union” speech imprinted on your cheek. (5 pts)

Your imaginary best friend is a polynomial named Lois. (5 pts)

Your real best friend is a system of linear equations named Jams McPhee! (The exclamation point is a style thing. Like Ke$ha. Nobody’s sure why. Just go with it.) (10 pts)

Your phone is full of texts asking if you’re alive or still marooned on Robinson Crusoe’s island (5 pts).

You can’t really remember the last time you had a meal. (5 pts)

You can’t really remember who lives in your home. (10 pts)

You’ve decided that your pencil doesn’t like your eraser—in fact, they may be worst enemies. The pencil keeps rolling away from the eraser, but the eraser does nothing. Perhaps it wants to reconcile? Who knows. (5 pts)

Every track on Radiohead’s “In Rainbows” has 135 plays in iTunes. Because you can’t focus when the background music has lyrics, and nobody can ever tell what they’re singing anyway. (Lyrics to 15 Step : Hike um my hand up where I started, how come I end up wearing a thong?) (10 pts)

You’re not even reading this right now because you have too much to do. (infinity pts)

Scoring:

5-15 pts—Eh, you’re just a little bit of an overachiever. No biggie.

20-30 pts—Stay away from flammable or inflammable objects. Otherwise you’re fine.

35-45 pts—All we’re saying is that school isn’t everything, okay? Once school starts affecting your perception of reality, that’s when you need to draw the line. Now, we trust you enough to turn our back to you—slowly!—and walk out, and we’ll pretend this never happened.

50-infinity pts—Manslaughter is not an ethically upright way of dealing with stress. Even indirect manslaughter. Stop stressing! Everything will be fine! Put away that textbook for a little bit and watch The Office. Put away the knife for a little bit and watch something else long enough for us to escape out the window.

What's the craziest studying-too-hard thing you've done lately?

Related post: How To Deal with Stress

Topics: Life, College Advisor
Tags: finals, school, stress, studying, exams, tests, finals week

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About the Author
Scott Greenstone

I write freely.

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