Dissecting animals in class is cool. Dissecting animals when you’re forced to do it with strange classmates you can barely tolerate, however, is not cool. Your teacher will announce that you’re starting the cat/frog/pig/antelope dissection, and you will immediately whip around to goggle excitedly at your friends. But then the teacher will drop the “I pick the groups” bombshell, and you'll probably get stuck with one (or more) of the following:
The Squeamish Kid. This guy won’t look in the animal's general direction if he can help it. He doesn’t want to lose points, though, so he’ll occasionally sneak a peek at the action before either a) bolting for the exit, or b) vomiting spectacularly into his own lap.
The Mad Scientist. This guy has a little too much fun probing around in there with the instruments. He juggles the internal organs, cuts through the connective tissue with unparalleled joy, and doesn’t wear gloves because he claims they "only get in the way."
The Honors Student. This will be the guy who’s constantly fretting, “Did you see the coronary artery? Did we label the coronary artery? That’s on the test, right?” He will anxiously hover around the actual dissection, and it will cause him intense pain when the Mad Scientist starts doing things that are not listed under the instructions, like making the intestines into a festive scarf.
The Slacker. The Slacker is unfazed by the sight of intestine-scarves. He will give the cat a look of complete disinterest before checking out five minutes into the class period to take the world's longest bathroom break, which is not so much as a break as it is a voyage. He will return just in time to make a few glove balloons before the bell rings.
The Weird Kid. And then there’s the dude who names the cat and strokes its head lovingly and croons, “Soon you will be mine.” Everyone just kind of lets this guy do his thing. He's like a potentially dangerous animal that you don't want to startle.
These stereotypes will be scattered throughout the room, so odds are you'll have to deal with them. You may also have to contend with an overly enthusiastic teacher who bounces from group to group and makes bad jokes like, "Dissections are fun, no matter how you slice it!" Beware.
We're not sure how we escaped the horrors of group dissections in high school, but we consider ourselves very, VERY lucky. Have you ever had to deal with intestine scarves and The Weird Kid?
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