Lending money to a friend is a delicate operation. Actually, it's not so much the lending as the getting back. It's an age-old quandary: How do you get your friend to repay the $12 you loaned her for that small bucket of Coke at the movie theater? You could let it go, but you're saving up for your Twilight wedding dress, and this is the third time your friend has gone IOU on you. Here's how you get reimbursed:
- Send her an invoice.
- Walk up to her. Say nothing. Slowly pull your empty pockets out of your pants. Make this face. Walk away.
- Say, "Remember that time I loaned you money and you never paid me back? Yeah, that's right now, actually."
- Occupy her front lawn.
- Sigh loudly and quote Polonius: "Neither a borrower nor a lender be/ For loan oft loses both itself and friend."
- Go to lunch together and when the bill comes say, "This one's on you."
- Send her a text message that says "I never figured you for a thief." Prepare to never see your money or your friend again.
- Mail a ransom-style note demanding she leave a stack of unmarked bills in a duffel bag on your front steps at midnight.
- Tell her she can either pay you back in cash or in a pound of flesh.
- Offer to buy her some vending machine pizza; then say, "Oh wait, I can't. You have all my money."
- Scream at the top of your lungs, "GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY, YOU PREDATORY HOSE BEAST!"
- Politely but firmly and privately ask, "Could I get that $12 back that I loaned you the other day? Thanks. I appreciate it."
Do you owe anyone money? Can we get that fiver to you tomorrow?
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