Dear Auntie Sparknotes,
I have a really really big problem. Lately, I have been having a lot of disturbing thoughts. Very disturbing thoughts. And I see a rather persistent being or beings of the sort that may or may not be real.
I'm not entirely sure which. Sometimes they've talked to me, and sometimes they just watch. No one else seems to be able to see them, or hear them, but more than often they come when I'm alone, right after a huge mood swing.
The Internets have told me that I have the symptoms (not just this, but a lot of other stuff too) of a mental disorder that is genetic (and that my genes likely carry). But a close confidant who practices my religion tells me that the things I see are described in our holy book. They're described as spirits.
I am very confused. Religion and science don't see eye to eye, and while I'm considered having been blessed with a gift in one world, I'm considered crazy in another. I'm not sure if I should tell a doctor about these things or not. If it's the mental disorder, it's important that I start treatment soon before it gets worse. If I start it and there's really nothing wrong, it could cause a lot of really bad side effects. I don't want people to think I'm crazy. But then again, what if I am?
Hoo boy.
Okay, first of all, let's ditch the term "crazy," okay? That word should be used strictly as a descriptor for Lady Gaga's style sensibilities or the films of David Lynch; it doesn't belong in a dialogue about mental health, which this is. And a mental illness is just like any other potential health issue, from a maybe-broken bone to a possibly-ruptured appendix: if it's painful, debilitating, or getting in the way, it's worth getting checked out.
And yes, that's true no matter what it says in your holy book. Because no matter what religion you are, holy books have one thing in common: they're really flippin' old. And while the the lessons contained in religious texts can certainly stand the test of time, they still suffer from the same minor problems as any ancient text: namely, that they were written without the benefit of modern scientific research, and that the theories they put forth about the natural world are therefore less-than-informed. And it doesn't matter whether a theory is secular (e.g. that the earth is flat) or religious (e.g. that the world was created in seven days) or scientific (e.g. that illness is caused by an imbalance of the body's four distinct humors and should be cured with leeches); intelligent people recognize that modern science sometimes disproves the hypotheses that ancient people could only guess at.
And that's okay! Because the moral value of your religious text isn't diminished just because its science is out-of-date. But it does mean that just because your holy book describes what you're experiencing as a spiritual blessing, that doesn't mean that it is. And since you're not only disturbed by your hallucinations, but also coming from a family history of mental illness, it's really, extremely important that you get checked out by a doctor as soon as possible. If you need help, you'll get it; and if you don't, there's still no harm in being looked at. And for the record, you don't have to worry about being needlessly medicated. A doctor will never just start you on treatment without confirming, usually on multiple fronts, that you would benefit from it.
And hey, if you really are communicating with spirits—if you're seeing and hearing things not because of a treatable mental illness but because you are, in fact, seeing and hearing things—then no medication in the world would stop it from happening, right? Really, you've got nothing to lose.
So, schedule an appointment with your doctor, ASAP, and tell him what you told me. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed, and don't be afraid to tell the whole truth. And if you begin to feel freaked out, please remind yourself that you're only doing the sensible thing—and that no matter what, you'll be fine.
Oh, and if you want to talk about "crazy"? Here. NOW THAT'S $*@&ING CRAZY.
Got some supportive words for our Sparkler? Leave 'em in the comments!
Related post: Auntie SparkNotes: Not That Kind of Crazy
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