Recipe for the Perfect Boyfriend

Ever wish you could just throw a bunch of ingredients into the oven and have the perfect boyfriend pop out? Of course you do! And now you can, with my awesome, metaphorical contribution to recipe week (because when I cook for real, the skies turn dismal and gray, and hope becomes a far-off dream).

INGREDIENTS:

- A dash of intelligence
- A pinch of cuteness
- A handful of endearing quirks
- A smidgeon of social awkwardness
- A pair of really cool pants

Optional: Abs you could grate cheese on, the kind of perfectly wavy hair that defies logic and reason, and/or a smile that is the embodiment of all that is good in the world.

DIRECTIONS: Chuck it all into a bowl (large, red, and zebra-shaped… THIS IS IMPORTANT! DO NOT FORGET) and mix until well blended (if it’s not the color of lilacs, you did something wrong). Toss in a few other qualities that are unique to the creator’s tastes. For instance, I might add the following:

- Must love books
- Must frolic on occasion
- Must be able to say he once licked all the frosting off four consecutive cupcakes
- Must love holidays to the extent that his passion scares some small children (but only the skittish ones)
- Must not recoil from the unsightly massacre that is me eating cake
- Must like video games, especially Mario Kart
- Must let me always be Baby Luigi while playing Mario Kart
- If he insists on taking Baby Luigi, he must not complain when I’m forced to be Yoshi and make his life a living hell
- Must have a really embarrassing public speaking story under his belt
- Must own a fedora (I defy you to show me one man who looks bad in a fedora)
- Must like wiener dogs
- Must dislike cookies (more for me)
- Must be Orlando Bloom (optional but strongly encouraged)

Bake for approximately 1.5 to 6.72 hours, or until golden-brown. Sprinkle on some cinnamon and an all-around good personality. Let cool for 30 minutes. (Or don’t. Who does that, anyway?) And there you have it—a perfectly good boyfriend, fresh from the oven and ready for a movie date!

What ingredients make up your perfect boyfriend/girlfriend? We'd like to add a dash of "Must be exactly like Jim Halpert" to the mix.

Related post: Recipe Week