Auntie SparkNotes: Faceblocked

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,

I need some friend advice. So one day, I go to my friend's Facebook profile and I can't see her wall or anything else besides her recent photo updates. So I think to myself, hey that's weird why can't I see anything on Bree's wall? So I asked one of my guy friends to send me a screenshot of what he sees on Bree's profile. And what do you know? Her wall is open and everything seems to be fine and dandy. And then it hits me. She blocked me from viewing her wall posts!

Auntie what am I supposed to do? I mean, I don't really know if I did anything wrong. We've been friends since the seventh grade and back then we were pretty close. But since we moved up to high school and all I guess we haven't been that close anymore and we started to drift apart when she started getting really popular and stuff. I mean, I don't really mind that she blocked me from viewing her profile but I just want to know why. I mean, if she had a problem with me she could just talk to me about it...right? Any suggestions on how to tackle this Facebook debacle?

Oof, that's harsh. And of course, Sparkler, I understand the urge to ask "why"—because hey, there could be any number of reasons for your friend's decision to block you. Maybe she's taking "What's Your Favorite Sexual Position?" quizzes and doesn't want everyone to see the results. Maybe she's flirting with your ex-boyfriend on her wall and doesn't want you to see. Maybe she got freaked out over her online visibility and pared down her wall-viewing inner circle to just a handful of trusted friends. Or, of course, maybe she's a werewolf. (Werewolves are known to be really fickle about their internet settings!)

But what really matters here isn't why your friend blocked you on Facebook. It's that she did, and that she did it instead of talking to you directly. Because you're right: if you want to repair a rifted relationship, then directly confronting the problem is the way to go. But here's the thing: if you don't want to repair the rift—and if, in fact, you want to make it permanent—then... well, people are cowards. And given the option, they'll usually skip the confrontation and instead start looking for ways to quietly close the door on the friendship while the other person's back is turned.

And let's face it, there are few more effective ways to do that than blocking someone, saying nothing about it, and then letting her find out on her own time.

Which is to say, letter-writer, I think you've been facedumped. I'm sorry. But... it also isn't a total surprise, right? You seem to understand that this friendship was on its last legs. If it weren't, you wouldn't even have written to me; you'd have just texted your pal as soon as you saw what had happened and said, "Hey beyotch, why'd you block me from your FB wall?" And for your friend's part, she may have even convinced herself that it was better this way—that you wouldn't even notice what she'd done, but that if you did notice, you'd be glad to just accept that the door had closed on your friendship and save everyone the embarrassment of an explicit breakup.

So, what do you do now? For starters, take your question—why did your friend block you?—and try this answer on for size: Because she wants to limit your access to her life, online and off.

And then, ask yourself: will you really gain anything from digging deeper? Do the specifics truly matter? What would you do differently if you had an exact reason for the rift, instead of just understanding that it's there?

Needless to say, I'm hoping you won't put yourself through the ordeal of finding out exactly why she blocked you. Sometimes, it's best not to dissect the end of a friendship; even if you do get an answer, it's not as though you'll be able to use the information for anything but self-flagellation. But if you truly feel you can't move on without first peering behind the scenes, then all you can really do is ask—directly, politely, and after reminding yourself that the answer doesn't change a thing.

Have you ever been mysteriously blocked on Facebook? What did you do? Tell us! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.

Related post: Auntie SparkNotes: Go Facebook Yourself