What It Means When We Friend-Zone You: A Post for the Manklers

grace_return7 wants you dudes to know that getting "friendzoned" is a huge compliment. Kind of.—Sparkitors

Auntie's recent article on friend-zoning sparked some debate among my guy friend and I. He missed the point of the post—after reading it, he seemed to think that girls are cruel creatures who play with boys' hearts then stomp them into the ground. And while I admit that some girls are like this, the majority of us aren't sucky demons who enjoy seeing others in pain. Boys, there's actually a reason behind us saying things like "We're too good of friends," "I don't want to ruin our friendship," or "He's like a brother."

THE REASON BEING, IT'S ALL TRUE.

Yes. I've been developing a theory of best-friends-turned-boyfriend-girlfriendships. These relationships usually have one of three outcomes:

1. They date, stay together, get married, live happily ever after, have 2.5 kids and a dog, etc.
2. They date, realize it's not right, break up, have a good laugh, go back to being BFF.
3. They date, realize it's not right, break up, stop talking because it's awkward because EW, they KISSED, never talk again. Friendship=lost.

And when girls make friends, we tend to keep them for life. THAT is why we don't want to date you. Because, let's be honest: which outcome is the most likely? #3. Amirite? Yes. I am. And us girls are terrified that outcome #3 will happen and we really don't want to lose that friendship.

If you've been friend-zoned, then you might be that guy who's been forced to go dress/tampon-shopping with her, who is constantly by her side, who her mom's in love with—and who, she insists, she could never, ever date. And that's because we value your friendship so much, that wake-you-up-saturday-morning-and-play-video-games-in-your-pajamas, that "I don't care if he sees me cry," that "he will always be there for me" relationship. To us, having one of those is infinitely more valuable than having a boyfriend.

So, boys, don't take friend-zoning as "I'm a horrible person nobody will ever love me I'll end up alone." Take it as, "I'm a really good friend and maybe a romantic relationship isn't right for us, at least not right now. Perhaps the two of us dating would be the equivalent of throwing our friendship off a bridge. Let's just go back to eating Chex Mix and watching Harry Potter."

Good luck, you friendzoned manklers: you're like a brother to us, and one day you'll find your match made in SparkLife heaven. Perhaps she's lurking on this very article right now. (Or perhaps she wrote it. Seriously, guys, I'M SINGLE! LOVE MEEE!!!!!)

Does this make you feel any better about being friendzoned, Manklers?

Related post: Auntie SparkNotes: Friendzoned Forever