A good disaster is hard to come by these days. Sure, you can buy your disasters-in-a-box at the store, but they're overpriced and probably stuffed full of preservatives. Why, only yesterday we bought a box of disasters and when we opened it, it was half full of catastrophes! Imagine! These four traditional recipes, made with only the finest ingredients, will guarantee you a fresh, healthy, home-cooked disaster just like your grandparents used to make.
Pavement Pancake
Ingredients
2 rollerblades
1 human, clumsy
1 to 6 Labradors, exuberant
5 pints wet autumn leaves
15+ gawking onlookers
Method
Spread leaves liberally on a flat surface
Apply rollerblades to the feet of clumsy human
Agitate Labradors
Combine all ingredients with wet leaves, at speed
Garnish with onlookers to taste
Sucky Date Pudding
Ingredients
2 first daters
1 maitre'd, disapproving
1 noisy table
1 otherwise empty restaurant
1 lost food order
3 bad shrimp
1 spilled drink
2 menus, incomprehensible
Splash of B.O.
Method
Combine all ingredients and marinate for 3 hours.
Spotted Butt
Ingredients
1 pair skinny jeans or booty shorts, according to season
1 large crowd, or 2 small crowds
1 human
2 semesters worth of junk food
1 pop song, "Moves Like Jagger" or similar
Method
Stuff human with two semesters worth of junk food
Allow to settle for several months
Apply jeans/shorts to human
Combine human with crowd
Drizzle Moves Like Jagger (or similar) over crowd and saute. When the dancing reaction begins, jeans/shorts should split neatly up the back seam.
Bus Casserole
Ingredients
1 bus
1 human
1 gallon panic
1 really, really good book
1 escaped polar bear
Method
Absorb human in book and simmer
Allow to settle in middle of road
Pound human/book firmly with bus
Sprinkle liberally with panic
Add polar bear
What's your recipe for disaster?
Related post: 6 Steps to Professional Cooking
Topics: Life
Tags: recipes, horrible things, disasters, recipe week
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