The SparkNotes Movie Club Presents: New Moon

With the release of the movie The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn–Part One later this month, this is the perfect time to rip into some New Moon goodness. If you enjoyed the Twilight edition of the SparkNotes Movie Club, you will certainly want to join the fun for the wolfy sequel.

Though I’ve spent years blogging my way through the Twilight books, I’ve been saving the movies for special occasion when I really needed a laugh. And laugh I will—I may even cry. Unless my instincts have failed me, New Moon will be a horrible, wretched movie that is more a commercial for depression medicine than a feature film. And I cannot wait to see it for the first time.

We’re going to try the live-blogging technology once again. It nearly worked for the Rocky Horror Picture Show live-blog and I think most of the kinks can be ironed out. Set your calendars for next Wednesday, November 16th at 8 p.m. (est) when I will live-blog New Moon right here on SparkNotes. I recommend you show up to the live-blog fifteen minutes early so that I can organize everyone's usernames. There will be a special post that day for the event.

To those new to the live-blog experience, here's how it works: We all watch our own copy of the movie, beginning the movie promptly at 8 p.m. (est). Then everyone (even those not watching the movie) is welcome to write comments and chat in the live-blog window.

So, what do I know about New Moon (the movie)? Not much. If it follows the book, Edward will be absent for most of the film and Jacob will take center stage. Of all the Twilight novels, New Moon is the best only because Jacob made it bearable. While the rest of Stephenie Meyer’s characters are walking mannequins who have all the humor and personality of a paper cut, Jacob is funny and feels like a real person. Then, in later books, he tries to force kill Bella and begins dating toddlers, at which time I turned in my uniform and crown and quit Team Jacob.

But in New Moon, Jacob was pretty great, and I’m curious to see if any of that charm made it to the screen. One of my concerns, however, is that Taylor Lautner is not what I envisioned Jacob to look like. The rugged and rough Jacob in the book is over six feet tall, and is more a playful scoundrel than a Disney pop star. Maybe Taylor’s face, voice, body, face, voice, and face will change from boyish to roguish in the film. We’ll see.

What I’m really looking forward to, what is making me wish November 16th were today, is seeing Chapter Ten of New Moon in all its cinematic glory. Chapter Ten is the very best chapter of Twilight, as you no doubt can tell from the gleeful blog I wrote.

Werewolves. Real ones. Can’t wait.

I know the scene will be a letdown, just as seeing Emmett Cullen in the first movie was a letdown (white sweatsuit and cuff watches? That’s not the Emmett I tattooed on my calves). But can the filmmakers really screw up Chapter Ten? Give me ten minutes and some wolves and I can make a decent cinematic version of Chapter Ten. Hmm…maybe I’ll do just that…

We can also look forward to more Oscar-caliber performances from Ms. Twitchels and Captain Bored. Just writing the names “Kristen Stewart” and “Robert Pattinson” made me want to take a nervous nap. And, if memory serves, the Volturi show up this time around. That means Marcus! And Marcus means pure, unbridled power. Cannot wait!

And Quil will be there too!

Mark your calendars and lock up your toddlers. This will be a live-blog you won’t want to miss.

See you next Wednesday.

Related post: The SparkNotes Movie Club Loves Twilight (Sarcasm Hand)