TanTanTheLadiesMan Says Goodbye (and Squeezes in a Few Final Toilet Analogies)

One of our favorite Manklers is leaving—but not without imparting some final wisdom!—Sparkitors

Alas, my good friends, the time has come. Yes, it’s November, which means it's time for me to leave on my mission. But before you get all teary-eyed and start envisioning me wearing spandex and a cape as I fight evil around the world, let me explain to you what a mission is, in the quickest and simplest of terms.

What it is: I leave for two years to a part of the world determined by the leaders of my church (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, more commonly known as the Mormons).

Why: To preach the gospel and strengthen those people whom I am called to serve.

That’s the basic gist of a mission. I was called to serve in the Joao Pessoa, Brazil mission. That means I’m going to go to Brazil and, get this, learn Portuguese! Yep, so when I return in two years, I’ll be tanner (haha, get it: Tanner!), and bilingual! My twin brother is going to the Kiev, Ukraine mission and is going to speak Ukrainian (and be a lot paler than me when we return). For those who care, I also have an older brother who served in the Montevideo, Uruguay mission and learned Spanish (needless to say, family reunions in the future should be interesting. We should all be able to talk crap about one another without the others understanding what we’re saying).

Anyway, I’m super stoked to leave (I’ve been trapped in my hometown for a little too long), but it won’t come with a little mourning (and maybe a few tears) for the friends and family I’ll be leaving and, of course, the SparkLife friends and articles that I won’t see or write.

You see, on a mission, the missionaries really only have access to a computer once or so a week, and that’s only to write a weekly letter back to their family. Other than that, all my time will be spent on other missionary things! However, I wouldn’t just cut you all off from me cold turkey—that would be cruel! For anyone who is interested, my momma has started an e-mail group for those who want to receive my weekly letters. So before November 14th, send me your e-mail address in the fancy private messaging system our beloved SparkLife has recently installed, and I will add you to that list so that you can follow my weekly adventures as I go to Brazil and am immersed in their culture (hoorah!).

Now, of course, I wouldn’t leave you guys without a bit of advice about life and whatnot, so let me explain to you some lessons I have learned—and, true to my nature, I'm going to enlighten you by using bathroom analogies.

People leave the seat up. It’s pretty much inevitable, especially in a house full of boys, that you will someday wake up at 2 in the morning, sleep still in your eyes, and go to use the bathroom, but fall straight into the toilet because someone didn’t put the seat down. You can fume and rant and wake up everyone in the house, or you can deal with it and clean the mess up. Sometimes you get put in a bad situation because of the lack of consideration on other people’s part. Getting upset and dwelling on the fact that you’re soaked in toilet water will never get you into dry pajamas and the water cleaned up off the floor. So, throw out your desire to dwell on your mishaps, take action to make your own situation better, and forgive those who put you in that situation in the first place.

You can’t fix everything. Sometimes toilets get clogged, and sometimes you can fix it yourself. Other times, like when the water is rising around your shoes and you have no idea how the plunger got sucked down the toilet, it’s okay to realize you’re in over your head. Sometimes you need someone else to help you fix a mess, whether it be your parents or a professional. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed if you’ve made a few mistakes and need help cleaning it up. There’s nothing wrong with making mistakes, we’re human and we all do it—but trust those around you and turn to them when you need them.

Those closest to you will do anything for you. Trust me, if any of you saw the condition of the bathroom that my brothers and I share, you would look at us in disgust, attempt to light us (and our bathroom) on fire, and leave the house, never to return to the Cesspool of Filth again. However, if you were to ask me or my brothers, we wouldn’t see much wrong with our bathroom. As long as the seat and sink are clean, who cares about the innumerable number of mysterious stains that cover every other surface? Your family (or closest friends) will be with you through the thick or thin. They’ll be there for you, no matter how disgusting your bathroom or how dark your life seems to be at the time. People were meant to love others and be a support system for one another, and that’s what your family and friends are there for. They’ll wade through the tissue-and q-tip-littered floor of your life and always be there for you. Don’t underestimate what they will go through to make sure you are safe and happy.

So, there you go, my final words. I hope you all enjoy the next two years of your lives; it was great getting to know all of you. Remember to always be happy, look for the positives in your LIFE, love those closest to you (and make sure they know it!), and, hey, maybe if you’re bored, you could write me a letter. Missionaries love mail! :) Thanks for a great six months, SparkLife, and I look forward to writing again once I return.

We'll miss you, TanTan! Best of luck on your mission! Do you guys have any advice or parting words for Tanner?

Related post: Check out Tanner's past posts here!